here to there and back again

focus on the important things

2011-11-15T22:22:00.001-03:30

I benefited from this article by Ed Welch ... here was a list of things that helped me.

Enjoy your children. Followers of Jesus Christ enjoy the Lord and enjoy one another. You can enjoy your children by always scanning for the good—the ways they reflect something of their Creator.
Look for opportunities to show humility, especially as children get older. “Will you forgive me?” continues to be one of the most powerful evidences that Jesus is alive and the Spirit has been given.
Identify the essentials of the faith. For example, everything that is important comes out of Christ and him crucified. Talk about this: “What’s the big deal with the death and resurrection of Jesus?” We want to answer that in our own words, and we want to answer it so our neighbor could understand it.
Follow the apostles’ strategy for biblical interpretation—everything is about Jesus. Not only was Jesus the focus of all their understanding of Scripture, he was also the way of change—all true change goes through him. Over the course of a few months in your home, would a bystander observe that you are talking about a person or talking about rules that seem unrelated to a person?
Discuss our curious historical moment. Jesus has come and his promises are certain, yet suffering and shame persist. We can know joy and peace, yet, since we follow the Suffering Servant, we expect to face lots of difficulties.
Go big. Scripture is a story in cosmic terms with allegiances, powers, rescues, all on a huge scale. “Accept Jesus in your heart” is much too tame. The King of creation has spoken to us in Jesus. Once you know him you will want to say, “Jesus, I am with you. You are my Lord.”

the miserable funk

2011-11-11T09:01:00.001-03:30

Some days just start off on the wrong foot. The trend actually begins the night before when you go to bed later than you had hoped and are already grumpy about that. Then you wake up very early because today just had to be the day that your husband had to be in an hour and half earlier than normal. Of course, because you are awake the children also get out of bed. So there you are, tired, miserable with all the busyness of a normal morning much earlier than normal. I stumbled downstairs this morning in exactly this situation and started preparing food for the guys. I was in that weird funk where you're miserable and enjoying it somewhat. God, having an amazing sense of humour, sent J into the situation who without cluing in to my state, started complimenting me on my pajamas. You have to realize that the pajamas I was wearing were probably in the top 10 outfits K hates. They are pretty awful - not attractive. J goes "those are my favourite pajamers Mom! the pants have flowers on them, and your shirt has stripes - which are really pretty" and on he goes. I was trying hard to keep looking mad but failed miserably and started laughing. Needless to say, I think that changed the direction of my day. And that my friends, is the end of the story.

four(4)

2011-11-03T14:08:00.001-02:30

I have a four year old. Hard to believe. As J asks me frequently, you just can't believe that I'm four, right Mom? In honour of my amazing son I'm posting the pictures I've taken of him every fall for the last four years.

Messiah!

2011-11-03T13:27:00.000-02:30

Love the Messiah? Never heard it? This year I'm excited to be singing the Messiah again with the choirs of Redeemer University. Performances are Friday, Dec 2 and Saturday, Dec 3 both at 7:30. If you live within driving distance of Hamilton, I'd highly encourage you to book some tickets and enjoy an incredible evening of Messiah sung by talented choirs who know who they are singing about.

You can call the Redeemer Box Office at 905.648.2139 x4211 to book tickets or go online to Ticketwindow. I recommend the MacNab Street Presbyterian Church location for sound quality. I hope to see you there!

early (so very early) Christmas prep

2011-10-20T00:27:00.000-02:30

the first VH family Christmas photo ... circa 2007

I've already been thinking about getting family pictures done this year - both because it seems like a good time what with K and I being married five+ years and the boys both being done the rapidly changing baby stage. Oh, and I want a good shot for my Christmas cards.

I stumbled upon this site the other day while blog-hopping and found a large amount of highly customizable Christmas (and other) cards. I'm finding it pretty difficult to actually pick a design! I signed up for a promotion where I use my blog to connect others to Shutterfly and they give me 25 free cards. Not a bad deal at all!

In the past few years we have done email Christmas cards, but it just doesn't have quite the same experience as getting Christmas cards in the mail. Plus when they include pictures it's pretty sweet for the fridge.

Anyways, regardless of your Christmas card plans - and if you don't have any yet because it's only October (sheesh, Sarah) - if you're looking for a quick and simple way to do cards, check out the links.

thanks

2011-10-08T08:34:00.000-02:30

We have so much to be thankful for. I have so much to be thankful for. When I start breaking down my life into little bits, I see how many things I regularly take for granted. I regularly remind J&A to say thank you for things that they wouldn't remember to on their own. How must my Father feel when I so regularly take all his good gifts for granted and pine after more.

What if you woke up only with the things you thanked God for yesterday?

Convicting.

I'm looking forward to this weekend, we're headed to the Rockton Fair today and then my extended families Thanksgiving dinner. Monday we head to the other sides dinner. And the weather! I'm hoping to enjoy quite a bit of time outside this weekend.

Thank you all for reading this blog - it continues to be an outlet for me, even though I often neglect it. I enjoy reading your comments and thoughts, so keep them coming.

Happy Thanksgiving, all. I hope you finish the weekend with a renewed sense of gratitude.

new music that hits me where I'm at

2011-10-04T17:19:00.000-02:30

I stumbled across this band the other day, The Autumn Film. My favourite song of theirs is "Coming Down" ... a song that poignantly expresses my feelings. Different circumstances have converged at once and are deeply discouraging and disheartening. I know that it's not all hopeless and that God is sovereignly in control. I know that. I just find it hard to find joy lately.

They say that it's life
The ache and the strife
But who are they to say
When it's going that way
When it's all coming down...

fall decor

2011-10-03T15:42:00.002-02:30

If you have known me for any extended period of time, or have read this blog for any length of time ... you know I love fall. I love the crisp air, the cool nights, the leaves dancing on the road, the food, the holidays, the memories, the way the boys noses get pink after playing outside. This year I made more of an effort to make the house more fall-like inside.

Basket of fresh apples. Simple and a good way to remind me to eat fruit!

A gift from a friend. Love the splash of colour.

An arrangement on top of the piano. I think I'll end up changing the picture to suit the season.

Gourds in a vase with branches arranged. I added a pie pumpkin that J and I will steal from the display one of these days and make into my favourite pie. Complete with whip cream, of course.

Indian corn on the front door.

It's not much, but it gives me a little joy every time I look around. Happy October!

random thought

2011-08-17T22:24:00.000-02:30

I think the reason that God made kids so funny is to make you laugh just when you think you can't do anything but scream or cry.

babies.

2011-08-12T11:18:00.000-02:30

Today I read two articles. The first was about the decline of babies born with Downs Syndrome. Notice I said born, not conceived. There are still lots of conceived babies with Downs, but they aren't apparently worth enough to make it out of the womb. The second was about a little term "pregnancy reduction". It refers to a practice where they reduce a pregnancy of multiples to a singleton. The following is one woman's argument for it ...

“Things would have been different if we were 15 years younger or if we hadn’t had children already or if we were more financially secure,” she said later. “If I had conceived these twins naturally, I wouldn’t have reduced this pregnancy, because you feel like if there’s a natural order, then you don’t want to disturb it. But we created this child in such an artificial manner — in a test tube, choosing an egg donor, having the embryo placed in me — and somehow, making a decision about how many to carry seemed to be just another choice. The pregnancy was all so consumerish to begin with, and this became yet another thing we could control.”

The article goes on to explain how this is still a fairly stigmatized process, but I have no doubt that given the current culture that we won't see the stigma last that long.

Both articles impressed upon me how selfish we are as humans. We are always thinking about ourselves, about how much time this will take us, what burden we'll have to carry as a parent, etc. I also think it's really easy to look at other people and caricature them to the point that their selfishness has nothing to do with us.

The fact is, the Christian community often has the same perspective, just not so far developed. When the discussion of children are brought up, how often is the biblical perspective of children as a blessing shared? Children take lots of time, they take lots of energy, they take lots of prayer and sacrifice. They mess up the house and they require you to fulfill mundane tasks that don't leave you feeling necessarily satisfied with your life. However, they are 100% worth every sacrifice and ounce of energy.

I'm so tired of hearing reasons why Christian couples don't want them (yet). They want to travel, they want to spend time how they please, they want more money, they want to get financially (more) secure, they like having control, they just aren't ready.

There is not talk in terms of what God wants from us. It's in terms of what we want. It's usually a reason that benefits ourselves. Is this line of thinking so far from aborting a baby with Down's syndrome so that we don't have the emotional and physical burden of caring for them? That decision is definitely not for the child - Down's children are some of the very happiest people on this planet. Is the decision to reduce a pregnancy from two to one so that there will be less demands on ourselves, so very different than putting off having children because we want more for ourselves?

Obviously one involves killing another human being, and the other does not. There is a defined difference. But the heart's desires in both circumstances are very similar. It's about me. It's about how this affects me.

I believe there are valid reasons for not having children at a certain point in our lives. But I don't think that many of us have valid reasons and I especially don't think that we are cultivating a biblical perspective on having children. God gives children as blessings. They are good things from God. They are not time-sucking monsters that must be avoided or put off as as the last priority. If we're to make inroads into our culture that devalues children enough to kill them, we've got to change ourselves first.

catching up

2011-06-29T15:54:00.001-02:30

The past few days have been not-so-fun around here. Last Friday night we had a great BBQ with friends from the LivingWorship crowd - good times catching up and enjoying food and a nice glass(es) of white. We were planning on another BBQ with some friends from church for the Saturday night until I got a call mid-way through errands on Saturday morning that J had just thrown up and had a fever. There is nothing like sudden sickness to make all your previously thought out plans come to nothing.
So since then we've gone through the stomach flu with J, both of them running fevers off and on, and now A has croup. Which I hear lasts about 5-6 days and we're on day 2. Insert words of exhaustion here.

I am still hoping to go strawberry picking tomorrow morning, but really have no idea what will happen with that now!

I picked some fresh rhubarb a couple of weeks ago - and now have a bunch of bags frozen.

I love the smell when it's cut - and the bright green and red of the stems.

I made a rhubarb sour cream pie and rhubarb squares as well. My favorite way to bake is with fresh fruit!

The boys are loving the summer - freezies and the park, bike rides in the bike trailer, sidewalk chalk and digging up Mom's garden. I love seeing their faces when we announce something amazing is going to happen, like a visit to the RBG or ice cream outside after dinner or a visit to a friends. Life is made up of all sorts of small and meaningful moments and they realize them so much more than I do.

There is lots more I could say about life lately, but the lunch table is still covered with banana and remnants of sandwiches and it's time to start planning dinner. (I know, you're supposed to do that in the morning - but I rarely, rarely think about it until about 2pm or later.)

Enjoy the sun and the wind!

inspiration

2011-05-11T10:47:00.001-02:30

"Here’s the point: the ordinary is not ordinary. Rather, it is in the ordinary that we are able to build people up and, yes, inspire the human spirit.
When you clean house for your family, or pour a cup of coffee, or take your car to the wash, you aren’t just doing small, mundane things. You are building people up. You are making things better, and making a statement that people matter. Or, that’s how you ought to see it.

In fact, the doctrine of vocation even takes us one more step. When we, as followers of Christ, serve others for his sake, we aren’t just serving them. We are actually serving the Lord himself. “Whatever you do, work heartily, as for the Lord and not for men, knowing that from the Lord you will receive the inheritance as your reward."
- Matt Perman

HT: Challies

domestic funk

2011-05-05T10:56:00.000-02:30

Someone once wrote that their domesticity came in waves. I can whole-heartedly concur with that. This has been a week where the wave of domesticity has yet to wash over the home. Making K's lunch this morning was interesting - I showed him the conglomeration of food I came up with and he responded "are you for real?"

We're surviving just fine though. J&A are still happily playing, even though the floor desperately needs to be washed and you can write your name in the dust.

Last night as I was hastily making breakfast for dinner, I looked out of the window just in time to see A scoop up a handful of dirt, gaze at it, and then pop it in his mouth. He spewed it out immediately and started chewing. It made my night. He is really not discriminating ... this morning having licked deodorant.

Speaking of domesticity, I need to work on some. Enjoy the sunshine (finally!).

the cross in November

2011-04-25T10:39:00.001-02:30

It's Monday after the Easter weekend. This weekend is a highlight of my year - the extended time to think over the cross and the resurrection with believers who have as much at stake as I do, makes it sweet. It also makes me think back eight years to the Easter Sunday where I was baptized ... showing my union with Christ in his death and resurrection:

"In him also you were circumcised with a circumcision made without hands, by putting off the body of the flesh, by the circumcision of Christ, having been buried with him in baptism, in which you were also raised with him through faith in the powerful working of God, who raised him from the dead."
- Colossians 2:11-12

It's a beautiful, powerful time of year.

And then it's gone and done. Or is it?

The cross and the resurrection need to shape every minute of every day of our year. And not in any way less than we celebrate at Easter. Our worship should be just as potent as it was this past weekend in the middle of November. The cross is our reason for being, it's the only place we can start at, and we're going to finish gathered around Christ' wounds, celebrating it all together.

Let's not get past it - move on to other elements of the faith. It is our faith. It is never irrelevant to the conversation. This is where we live and move.

"For I delivered to you as of first importance what I also received: that Christ died for our sins in accordance with the Scriptures, that he was buried, that he was raised on the third day in accordance with the Scriptures," (bold mine)
- 1 Corinthians 15:3,4

'mom-guilt'

2011-04-20T13:16:00.002-02:30

I didn't know that becoming a mother would automatically mean that I would get "mom-guilt". What is that, you might ask? It's the constant nagging feeling that you're not doing enough, or the right things, or that you're neglecting an important part of life in all things child-rearing.

I struggle with it a lot - partially because I'm a perfectionist (I know, it's a curse) and partially because I'm very aware of just how quick time is passing. Miss one opportunity here and there - who know when you'll have another chance.

There are so many decisions, big and small, that face us. Should you vaccinate? Do you include Santa in Christmas celebrations? What type of schooling? How much sugar should they intake? Are they interacting enough with other kids and other age groups?

And then there are all the "am I doing the right things enough" questions. Am I reading to them enough? Am I explaining the gospel simply and through daily opportunities? Am I disciplining consistently? The list is seriously endless.

The frustrating part of this phenomena is that it's not the only thing that I question myself about. There are so many areas of life that I'm called to live in. How am I living as a daughter of God? A wife? A friend? A sister/daughter/grand-daughter? How am I impacting my neighbors? Am I cleaning/cooking/up-keeping well enough?

I live in a constant reality of not wanting to look back on my life with regret. I understand that I am not perfect (like, seriously), but I fear looking back with regret on the way I lived, wanting to do it over, and knowing I can't.

The only thing I can think of to ease this is to trust God. He knows I'm imperfect and he knows my limitations and He's the only one that can make anything of me. Maybe I need to grow in faith that if live my life as best as I can, in His power, that He'll make something out of it that I don't regret?

the second

2011-04-19T16:57:00.001-02:30

My second boy is beautiful. He has this contagious smile that lights up his face and mischievously creeps across his face when he knows he's in the wrong. His cheeks are perfectly big. He has these big blue eyes that are at times squinty happy, wide and calm, and twinkling.
He loves to listen to music and enthusiastically claps and kicks his feet whenever a song or part of a song strikes his fancy.
He and his Dad like to lay down together after supper and read books ... he still needs lots of cuddles and comes for them himself. We really don't mind in the least.
He is stubborn and gets quite upset if he doesn't get his own way. Aren't we all? We just hide it better.
He knows how to say "no", "ball", "amen", "boom", "go,go,go" and multiple animal sounds. He's not quite as quick to speak as J but communicates just as much, if not more.
He loves his big brother. Every morning he pounds on J's door and tries desperately to reach the handle in order to wake him up to begin a day of play with him.
We could read together for a long time - he loves books and especially his favorites.
He excitedly runs to the bathroom every night to brush his teeth and then runs giggling out of the bathroom with the toothbrush because he knows he's supposed to stay in the bathroom while brushing.
He loves food and starts yelling and waving his arms if I even mention the word snack. He is often found ransacking the cereal cupboard between meals.
He is one years old (16 months) now and life is hard to remember before he entered our world, calmly and hungry.
I am so thankful for him.

mumford

2011-03-31T10:24:00.002-02:30

I've been listening to Sigh No More by Mumford & Sons quite a bit recently. It has been really refreshing. It's not often I come across a group that pulls together four non-standard rock instruments, tight and subtle harmony, and lyrics that speak to life uniquely.

I find it very difficult to pick favorite songs ... it's an album full of them. Awake My Soul is probably my favorite and has accompanied me on my drive to the gym a few times already.

If you have not heard this band ... please do yourself a favour and check them out.

monday morning musings

2011-03-28T11:05:00.000-02:30

I've begun working out at a gym. At 6:30 a.m. - four mornings a week. So far it's been good. I mean it's really cold and dark and early outside at that time of the morning ... but it's all worth it after I get there and start moving. I've already noticed a decided increase in energy the days that I work out vs. the ones I don't. When I get home at 7:30 and walk in the door to my two energy bundles who are hungry - it's not as hard to just jump into the day. I have a feeling I'm not going to want to stop after my two month membership is up.

Yesterday morning in our church history class at church we learned about monasticism's beginnings in the 4th century. I've been guilty of looking at church history as starting off well and then descending into various forms of wrong belief and practice similar to Catholic belief, (God leaving the church to herself) and then coming back to life in the Reformation. Michael Haykin argued against that black and white view of the church and reminded us that church history is messy, but God is working in the middle of it. Monasticism, although not a correct belief, preserved the Scriptures in a time of chaos as the literate and cultured Roman Empire was taken over by the Germanic tribes.

I find it very encouraging that God works in the middle of the mess. I'm not trying to honour the mess, the sin that creates confusion and causes pain in people's lives. But I am ready to honour God, who despite all of the sin and pain and confusion that we bring upon ourselves and that we deal with as we live in a fallen world, works out good for those who love Him and brings glory to the Son.

snow and the kingdom

2011-03-25T11:02:00.000-02:30

I will admit that the snow storm seriously dampened my spirits. I had packed up the boots and the snowpants, brought out the rainboots and spring jackets and started opening windows. And then it snowed, a lot. Awful heavy snow that gave me a back-ache after I shoveled. And it's spring! However, I was thinking about it this morning and I realized that even though it's discouraging when all you really want is to go outside in 13 degree weather again ... that I'm not that worried about it because I know it's really the tail end of the season. I'll go on record to say that I think this will be the last big dumping of the winter. Spring has come, the season has started and winter is beat ultimately.

Thinking that made me realize it's a bit like the kingdom of Christ. It's spring - Christ has inaugurated the kingdom of heaven, but it's not all here yet. Satan still has power, he still storms and evil still discourages us, but ultimately he's beat. He knows it. I know it. God accomplished it. I don't have to be discouraged when I see evil prevail because it's just a temporary situation. The kingdom is going to flood in one of these days and it's going to be awesome.

men

2011-03-11T17:35:00.000-03:30

It was International Woman's Day this past week. I barely noticed ... and that was okay. I wasn't looking for a standing ovation just because God created me a certain gender. But the whole thing got me thinking. I'll be the first to admit that my thoughts here are far from original, and far from new. However, I think they're still worth writing down.
Isn't IWD just an overreaction to a problem? I am so thankful for people who stood up and protested and fought for rights for women. I am so thankful to vote, to be able to earn a living if I need to, to be able to learn at a higher level. This is all good.
What isn't so good is that now womanhood is almost god-hood. At least in the mind of some, and lots of the media.
Unfortunately, it's not god-hood. Not even close, and in the process of elevating womanhood to a rank that it doesn't deserve it it's had to push back on the only other gender in the running. Men.
I don't want to be a man. Especially in my cultural and generational context. I mean, besides all of the hair and "manly" smells - it's a tough gig.
Men are portrayed as stupid all of the time ... almost every show I can think of that generates any type of laugh, men are the butt of the joke. Imagine the tables turned. Very unlikely.
All over university campuses they are becoming a minority. Boys are growing up without any interest in reading and learning, just perpetuating a cycle of problems.

Why is this?

I wonder if it has to do with the fact that part of the make up of the man is a need for respect. Perhaps some of the issues we see today can be traced back to when girl power triumphed through demeaning men.

I am thankful for the men in my life. They have challenged, encouraged, loved and respected me. They have exhibited true man-hood. They have made priorities of things that ultimately matter. I am most thankful for my number one man. He is not without faults - but I am hoping my boys grow up to be like him. I am so grateful that they get to watch a man like him live in this world - a man who lives like one and who knows how to honor women. I want to be a woman who is confident enough in who God made me and what He's called me to do that I don't feel the need to demean the other sex in order to make myself look more important than I am. I want to respect my boys as they become men - respect their personalities, respect their growth, respect who they are. They are the next men - I hope by the time they get there that our world has grown tired of side-lining them.

time is a strange thing

2011-02-11T10:01:00.000-03:30

The weeks pass by quickly - the usual activities and mundanity forming a rhythm that can be barely noticed. All of a sudden you wake as if from a dream and think, is it already almost half way into February?

This can be a positive thing - life is full and good.

It can also mean that time is slipping by without being marked.

That is what scares me the most. Everyone talks about your children being young for so short of a time. Why does this time go by so fast? This is the time I want to hold onto the most. (Don't get me wrong, it can be something that I want to go by quickly at times, but overall...) I always feel like I'm not capturing enough memories. What the boys are doing, what they say and what they are learning. Pictures, stories, quotes - what I'm learning and thinking.

I feel this impending sense of doom that 10 years down the road I'll look back and it will be a haze and I'll miss what I don't even remember that clearly.

It's why sometimes at night when I put the boys to bed I cuddle them for an extra long time. Last night Aiden had a fever and he fell asleep on me - I didn't move. It reminded me of a time that seems like yesterday when he fell asleep on my chest as a baby 3 days old. I had smelled his fresh newborn scent and realized that this moment was a rare one.

Maybe that's why I feel these things. I've realized that of all the things in life, this short stage of baby and child-hood is one of the most amazing and precious. The moments fly by and I'm left trying to hold onto them for one extra second so that I can unsuccessfully try to imprint them fully in my memory.

For those of you who don't have children and are thinking I've lost it ... just wait. One day you'll have a child lay his head down on your chest - a child that God made from you - and you won't be able to move either.

five years

2011-01-14T07:00:00.001-03:30

I'm amazed at how time passes so quickly and how much things can change in a short span of time.

But, some things don't change in five years.

Or they get even better.

I married my love five years ago today. I love him more than ever. God has been faithful to us in the hard times. I have an amazing husband. I am so thankful.

PS - Don't we all look so young?

imagine

2011-01-03T10:54:00.000-03:30

Imagine that every day in Canada 273 people were brutally murdered. In your neighborhood, in the neighborhoods all over your country. People were murdered gruesomely, burned with salt, torn apart from limb to limb, heads crushed, brains sucked out.

Now imagine that most people didn't care. Or if they did care once, after days upon days of this - they didn't care anymore.

Would you?

Do you care about the children killed through abortion?

When is the last time that you did anything for these children?

Abortion has been around for a long time. That doesn't excuse us from apathy.

2010

2010-12-31T08:00:00.001-03:30

Goodbye 2010. It's been a good year - a very good year.

At the beginning of the year we looked at a house that we thought we could only dream about and then God opened the doors so that we could buy it. It's been so perfect for our needs and fulfilled so many of our wants.

We celebrated with Anne & Hassan, Michelle & Jon and Bec & Drew as they tied the knot. That was awesome.

K&I had our 25th birthdays ... K feels old and I feel like I'm just hitting my stride.

Jakob went from a toddler to a pre-schooler. He has kept us quite entertained with his views on the world (Mom & Dad share a bed, Grampa & Gramma share a driveway) ... from the mouth of babes?!
Aiden had his first year - it has been so much fun ~~and work~~ to watch him grow and develop this past year. He remains snuggly and full of games.

I can't even express how full I am when I think about the privilege I have had to be a mom to my boys this year. It is exhausting, monotonous and thankless work at times. But it is worth it a million times over. Don't let anyone convince you that it's more important to give your kids "a good life" and that you need to work full-time away from home to give it to them. I know that there's extenuating circumstances that apply in some situations, but I daresay that the majority of women working away from home do so because they either prefer it to being at home or feel that they need to support an expected lifestyle. Okay, I'll stop my little rant. But seriously, you get only ONE chance to raise your children.

God was ridiculously faithful to us. The Spirit has totally kept His promise to reveal Christ through the Word to me. He has worked reconciliation in my family, provided health and through a variety of means has blessed us materially. I don't even know what to say. We don't deserve any of it. I like what C.J. Mahaney says when people ask him how he's doing ... he goes "better than I deserve". And it's true - I deserve a tormented and painful existence here and an exponentially worse one in eternity. I have neither and instead am blessed beyond what I can imagine.

Hello 2011.Whatever you hold, Jesus is the same yesterday today and forever. Awesome.

Merry Christmas

2010-12-24T08:00:00.000-03:30

Amidst trying to explain to J why Christmas is not just a present grab and a binge fest I've realized that I need the reminders just as simply and often as he does.

You probably need them too.

It's our human condition to quickly pass over the grace that allows us to experience Christmas as we do because of what Christ did.

I need to remind myself that the reason we do this is not because of tradition but because a flesh and blood baby was born - the Creator became the creation.

I need to remind myself that the gifts we give each other are a reflection of the love that was shown us when God looked down upon this stinking, sinful, ugly world - at the rape and the murder, the bitterness and the rage, the self-centeredness and the death and sent his Son.

I need to remind myself that all of the things that make this time of year special - the lights, the snow, the food, the family, the music, the tree - are all things that God has allowed in my life so that I can glorify Him through my thankfulness and recognition that He has done this.

I'm not sure how much J is taking in about the fact that it's Jesus' birthday - about the storyline on our Jesse tree - about why we give gifts. But it's my hope that as I remind him about the bigger picture that he'll see how beautiful Jesus Christ is and how great a gift we've been given - most of all that he'll come to Christ and worship.

Merry Christmas everyone!

who is Christmas for?

2010-12-23T08:00:00.007-03:30

Jesus came for those who look in the mirror and see ugliness.
Jesus came for daughters whose fathers never told them they were beautiful.
Christmas is for those who go to “wing night” alone.
Christmas is for those whose lives have been wrecked by cancer, and the thought of another Christmas seems like an impossible dream.
Christmas is for those who would be nothing but lonely if not for social media.
Christmas is for those whose marriages have careened against the retaining wall and are threatening to flip over the edge.
Christmas is for the son whose father keeps giving him hunting gear when he wants art materials.
Christmas is for smokers who cannot quit even in the face of a death sentence.
Christmas is for prostitutes, adulterers, and porn stars who long for love in every wrong place.
Christmas is for college students who are sitting in the midst of the family and already cannot wait to get out for another drink.
Christmas is for those who traffic in failed dreams.
Christmas is for those who have squandered the family name and fortune—they want “home” but cannot imagine a gracious reception.
Christmas is for parents watching their children’s marriage fall into disarray.

- Matt B. Redmond
You can read the whole thing here.

HT: JT

illustration

2010-12-22T11:55:00.000-03:30

"We look at the church of Christ as Christians today and it is characterized by confusion.

There is a large library in the center of the city of Glasgow called the Mitchell Library ... this huge black building, blackened with smoke over hundreds of years ... and then one day, scaffolding went up all around it. And then there was tarpaulin over the scaffolding. And then for months there were workmen working behind that scaffolding. The noise and the commotion. Drilling. Pressure washing. And you're thinking what is going on under there!? But then a day came when the the tarpaulin came off and the scaffolding came down.And there was this building in it's pristine glory.

There is a day coming when God takes down the scaffolding and removes all of the confusion and the Church of Christ will be presented as a spotless bride before Him. We shall be changed into His likeness and we will forever be with the Lord."

- Bill Hughes

So encouraging that even in this mess of denominations and scandal and poor loving of our neighbour and the battle between what we should be and ought to be - God is working and everything is still according to plan. One of these days the tapestry is going to be turned over and the crazy mess of threads will have made a perfect picture.

LW

2010-12-22T11:49:00.000-03:30

Change is interesting. Bittersweet often. When you're wrapping up parts of your life that have given you outlet, joy and amazing experiences, I find myself looking back and looking forward and wondering if I'll ever have something like it again.

Living Worship has officially "dis-banded". It's been 5 and 1/2 years since we began. That's a long time - we started before K and I got engaged and we've continued even through two children. I'm passionate about worshiping God, about using the talent, creativity and gifts that we've been given to help others praise Him too.

However, life moves on. I am grateful beyond words for the opportunity we were given. I am thankful that God used us, even in a small way, to lift up His name. I am so honored that people chose to spend time with us, worshiping God together. I have learned so much. There were difficult times and good times as a group, but we were a group and we made some beautiful and awesome music together.

I wonder often - what's next?

my life in cheesy book titles

2010-11-10T17:23:00.000-03:30

The Mystery of the Missing Soothers

How to Juggle: the amazing book that teaches you how to juggle a screaming baby and a toilet training toddler

The PMSing woman, the teething baby and the man who works overtime: the thrilling expose

Love Cleans Things: a lot

Guilt: when you don't do everything "they" say you should

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

What's your life look like today in cheesy book titles?

on getting up early

2010-10-18T23:29:00.000-02:30

So I've committed to getting up early in order to have time each day to spend with God, exercise and plan. I really want to do this. I've made multiple efforts on this front. I signed up for the FAM (Five AM) club at Girl Talk, made a commitment to Kev and my latest try ... doing the Maximize Your Mornings challenge at Inspired to Action. Now in case you're missing me here, all of these attempts have not been simultaneous. In fact, I've fallen off the wagon a lot of times. I think one week is the longest I've gone. This time I'm doing it with a friend of mine - accountability helps. Which is why I'm blogging about it.

So the alarm is getting set for 6:15. It is really cold and really dark and really generally awful at that time of morning. It feels like in-humane torture. Especially when I know that I technically don't have to be up for another 1/2 hour to an hour. Who does that to themselves? But the times I have woken up I've loved being able to have focused time that sets the tone for my day. I try hard to not let my at home time just become wasted time and getting up early in the morning helps so much.

I'm trying something new tomorrow because waking up early this morning did not happen. I'm going to have my mp3 player right beside the bed so that as soon as I wake up I'll put it on. Songs like I'm Alive by Audio Adrenaline and Viva la Vida by Coldplay. Songs that make me want to actually get out of my warm bed and workout.

I'll try to post on here how it's going and if any of you want to join me on my crazy quest, I'll be more than happy to have you.

PS - I hear that the trick to getting up early is going to bed with enough time for about 7.5+ hours of sleep. That puts me at about 10:45 or 11. With a night-owl of a husband that should be really easy...

sweet

2010-10-12T11:04:00.000-02:30

I can't turn the music down these days. We're trying to foster J's love of music by encouraging him to recognize and appreciate different aspects of songs. I turn it up and say "hey J, listen to this part". When I try to turn it back down he says "I like it loud!".

He is his daddy's son. And I absolutely love it.

.....

A seems to be following in his Mom's footsteps as his first response to music has been singing. Yes!

the annual thankful post

2010-10-10T12:04:00.000-02:30

So many reasons and so easily forgotten. (In no particular order.)

I am thankful that my Dad's skin cancer is not the kind that spreads and that it looks like they've gotten it all.

I am thankful that I've gotten to meet my two little boys and that I get to be along every day for the adventure with them.

I am thankful for a house that is our home. For the way the sunlight pours in in the morning windows.

I am thankful that Jesus Christ has redeemed me from my sin, a future in hell and my broken humanity. He is amazing.

I am thankful that every night I slide into bed beside my best friend and my lover and every morning we wake up to live another day together.

I am thankful that my Thomson family was all in one room this Thanksgiving. (Drewbie, I missed you.)

I am thankful that God is not an ascetic and has given us amazing flavours and textures and colours and sounds.

I am thankful for having a Rock that remains un-moved when I'm overwhelmed.(Ps. 61)

I am thankful for friends that know me well and for friends who are getting to know me well.

I am thankful for the smile of my Aiden bear - he can light up a room and a moment with it.

I am thankful for Citizen Erased by Muse and Crucifixus by Lotti.

I am thankful for the privilege of being the one to teach Jakob about the gospel.

I am thankful for leaves playing in the wind and woodsmoke in the air.

I am thankful for a fast car. (Not that I'm using the potential, mind you, it's just fun knowing what you have available under the hood.)

I am thankful for freedom and peace.

I am thankful that this world is not my forever home.

I am thankful for fresh journals and a good pen.

I am thankful for Kev's work ethic and his ability to pretty much do or figure out anything.

What are you thankful for?

smile

2010-09-24T19:15:00.001-02:30

J walks up to me today and says “You’re a great Mommy!”. I ask why he told me that and he replies “cause I love you”.

Remind me of this when I'm having a particularly bad day.

rain and flash forward

2010-09-16T11:55:00.001-02:30

It's raining. I told J this morning that today was going to be a great digging day. I was wrong. J is now colouring and just proclaimed that "today is not a good day". I don't actually mind the rain ... it assuages my guilt for the lack of watering I've done in my garden. My thinking goes like this ... see, if I had watered yesterday it would basically have been a waste of water. What a stewardly decision I made! I am slightly ashamed to admit that here.While we're confessing, I'll admit that I'm also currently listening to Christmas music.

On a completely un-related note ... is anyone else quite depressed that FlashForward has not been renewed for a second season? Way to leave me hanging, guys... .

this made my day!

2010-09-13T15:15:00.000-02:30

books and more books

2010-09-09T20:59:00.000-02:30

So I'm the librarian at my church. I love it. I get to think about and look at and buy books. Of course, it also involves reading them, but most of my time is spent getting the library in order. It's been a long haul - due to the fact that I procrastinate and that the shelving isn't even ready for books yet. The shelving is not my fault though, so I feel a bit better about my procrastinating.

So far about 900 books have been catalogued, 500 of which have also needed to be labeled. It's a time-consuming process, figuring out the Dewey system, adding the book to the catalogue and then stamping, labeling and marking the book so that it clearly belongs to the library. I don't even know how many more need to be catalogued, but I'm guessing somewhere in the 300-500 range.

The end is coming into sight though .. and I'm really excited to make the library usable again. I'm also really excited that I'll have some more time to actually read all of these books that I've selected. Here's hoping that I'll keep my motivation level up and actually finish this project!

i have a boy

2010-09-08T13:17:00.000-02:30

J comes to me after playing outside in the crisp wind with a bedraggled dandelion in his hand. The yellow flower droops and his dirt covered fingers hold it tight. "I have a flower" he says. "It's for you!" He hands it to me and I tuck it in my hair as I usually do. "I have some rocks in my pocket" he proudly exclaims. I check, and sure enough there is a small collection. "This one is a fish", he says, and as I pull out another one and ask what that one is, he tells me that it's a fish too.

He's covered in dusty dirt. His pants have turned two shades lighter and his coat looks it's been rolled in mud. He's done playing outside he tells me, and so I dust him off - which he finds amusing. We figure out where to keep the rocks so that A doesn't eat them and he runs off to play another game. It's a beautiful life.

updating

2010-09-07T17:20:00.000-02:30

It was a good weekend. We went home to my parents (it's weird that after 7 years of living away from there that I still call that place "home") - the boys played and played, I don't even know what I did, and K helped my Dad with the deck and building a closet insert and other odd jobs. It was a transition weekend for my family as they prepared to send the three youngest off to private elementary and public high-school. A&H came down too and it was more good times hanging out with them. I got to see M a couple of times before she headed off to Windsor and inherited a whole bunch of her clothes that didn't make the cut. Yes. Gotta love new jeans, new shirts, new skirt, new purse, and a new dress for $0.

I really don't ever shop. I just wear my sister's cast-offs. And I gotta be honest, it feels pretty good that I can still fit into all their clothes after having two kids.

Saturday night we celebrated my Mom's birthday. She's 39 again... Dad BBQ'd steak, I made my apparently famous oven potatoes and a Greek salad. I'm a huge fan of the Greek salad and the derivatives thereof. Feta, tomatoes, red onion, cucumbers and olives pretty much make any salad fantastic.

As I was putting J to bed after his crazy weekend, he was bouncing off the walls. So hyper. I finally got him to lie down in bed and he says to me "Mom, I can't stand it!". He makes me laugh on a daily basis.

I was thinking last night as I was drifting off to sleep that in our completely furnished, two story, three bedroom home that we have only bought five(!) pieces of furniture. A dresser, a shelf, a coffee & side table and our mattress. That's it. Everything else has been given as gifts to us. Three couches and a chair, two side tables, a coffee table, Jakob's six piece bedroom set, our crib and rocker, our five piece bedroom set, two desks, our table and four chairs, five shelving units and a TV stand, all of K's tool room furniture, a patio set, ... if I'm ever doubting that God provides for us, let me re-read this.

I only hope that we can be as generous to others as God has been to us through others. Anyway, my bebe is fussing as he clings to my leg so that's all for now. Enjoy your first week of un-official fall!

(200th post)

2010-08-30T17:29:00.000-02:30

After a very trying lunch-time where J wasn’t listening or obeying and I reprimanded him sharply … he cried and said “Mom, I need you!” and I said, “What do you need me to do?!?” He replied, “I need you! Pull your chair closer, Mommy”. I moved my chair closer and put my arm around him and kissed his sweaty head. He looked up at me and said, “I love you, Mom”.

I am so blessed to be the one who is the healer of his little heart, who makes his world right again, even when I so imperfect as his mom. It’s humbling …

It also made me think of how I am with my Father. I need Him to come close to me too … every day.

homemade playdough

2010-08-30T13:21:00.000-02:30

I found this recipe online and it worked great! Next time I'm going to try making some different colours and adding cinnamon and nutmeg to the dry ingredients.

Play-Dough
1 cup white flour
1/2 cup salt
2 tablespoon cream of tartar (find it in the spice section)
1 tablespoon oil
1 cup water
food coloring

Mix the first four ingredients in a pan. Add water and mix well. Cook over medium heat, stirring constantly, for 3 – 5 minutes. Dough will become difficult to stir and form a “clump”. Remove from stove and knead for 5 minutes; add food coloring during kneading process. Play dough will keep for a long time stored in a covered plastic container or plastic sandwich bag.

summers-end thoughts

2010-08-27T15:01:00.001-02:30

I love the look of a freshly mown lawn. Especially when it's my lawn, and it means I have my own patch of grass to enjoy. I also love the sound of other people mowing their lawns - I guess it's a summer sound. Sometimes I wonder why it takes me so long to actually do something that bothers me when it's undone. Like the lawn for example ... it was left behind this past week as other things took precedence. But every time I looked out the window it annoyed me. So yesterday morning I just mowed it instead of thinking about all the other things I could do and it's made me happy every time I look out the window since. That says something about my mind, definitely.

The summer is wrapping up. Hard to believe ... the Carey conference is over, which is definitely a signal that summer is drawing to a close, this past week has even been chilly at times, and I'm starting to get ready to have the schedule back. But not quite yet.

I had kind of given myself the summer to get settled into a new routine here. The late spring months were pretty chaotic ... I just couldn't seem to figure out how to balance everything. So when Beginnings approached me about volunteering at the beginning of the summer, I said I need the summer to figure things out and think about it. And so here I am. I have definitely gotten into a rhythm but I've realized that I need to make my priorities more limited. I am prone to jumping on a number of fantastic bandwagons and then realizing that they are all moving at the same time and that I have to jump off one or two in order to stay sane and come through on my commitments. (I'm not sure I should have stretched that analogy that far.) My priorities HAVE to be glorifying Christ through serving Kev and the boys right now. After that there's some room for serving at church/:LW. Limited room, only. Past that, I can't do what I'd like to. Running a young mom's group at the Living Rock sounds amazing, but it's not my time. I guess I have to trust that God will use me where He's asked me to serve and that beyond that He doesn't need me. Imagine that, God doesn't need me to do what He's planning. A little humbling...

Hope you have a great weekend!

silent screaming

2010-08-24T14:18:00.000-02:30

Some days are just not good days. I don't know what it is about them - they just really aren't good. J cries about everything, A doesn't want to nap, doesn't want to play, doesn't want anything except me to hold him.
They tag team me all day - J screaming about nothing and me enforcing quiet time on the couch ... and then I turn around to A gagging on a leaf he found on the floor. J screaming, A almost choking, me trying desperately to hold on to some sanity in the midst of this.

My policy for this type of behaviour is sleep. Not sleep for me, but sleep for them. Unfortunately, these are also the days where it takes A (who usually falls asleep in .5 seconds) a good 1/2 hour of screaming and wailing and me attempting to be firm and loving at the same time. J also picks these days to take an hour to fall asleep. And again, I try to hold on to my sanity. I say to myself "opportunity, opportunity, opportunity" instead of "inconvenience, inconvenience, inconvenience".

It's a grey day, with a to-list that stretches on for forever and any motivation to accomplish anything gone out of the window after the umpteenth frustration.

This is today. Pizza for dinner tonight.

I have no inspiration for a pithy title.

2010-08-21T12:53:00.001-02:30

J is full of hilarious takes on things lately - he commented the other day as I put on a headband that I looked like an angel - "you have a wing on your head, Mommy!" Wing, halo, whatever. It's refreshing to hear from someone just learning about the world and not someone used to everything. I pray every day that I won't take life for granted, but I still do.
We're teaching A about the stairs, and how he's not supposed to go near them. He knows, oh he knows. But you can see his mind on his face as he contemplates going for it. He starts off fast and then slows as he gets nearer, and then I say sternly, "A!" and he sits, flaps his arms and grins like an idiot. He's a good listener though, even if he does think it's a game, because he turns around obediently and goes somewhere else.

We're going to the Carey Conference tomorrow for the day, and then heading back on Wednesday. I'm looking forward to some great teaching, worship and fellowship. There's just something about hundreds of voices praising God in song that leaves me wanting more, much more.

We've spent the summer visiting churches, mostly churches from the Sovereign Grace Fellowship, the group of churches associated with ours. We've visited Grace Bible in Cambridge, Grace Fellowship in Toronto, West Highland in Hamilton, Guelph Trinity in Guelph, Grimsby Bible in Grimsby, and we're planning on Binbrook Baptist in Binbrook and visiting my parents at Sovereign Grace in Sarnia. It's been really awesome visiting around and worshiping with sister churches. You get accustomed to the same routine on a Sunday and it sometimes stops you from truly worshiping. Going somewhere new forces you to pay attention, to think through the service. Since K teaches Sunday School in the rest of the year we rarely go anywhere else and so we took the opportunity this summer.

The kettle is boiling, so it's time to go. A cup of tea awaits.

ugh

2010-08-19T14:18:00.000-02:30

The piece of truffle royale is not feeling as good this morning as it did last night amidst friends, laughter and a nice glass of Reisling.

a false saviour

2010-08-16T15:03:00.000-02:30

Nature abhors a vacuum. In the absence of a heart given over to God, we cling to pretty much anything as a substitute.

For example, the hope and change that Obama promised. It was like nothing I'd ever seen, watching the fanatical enthusiasm of Obama supporters. They supported a confident, well-spoken, young and maybe most importantly, black man. Never mind that his level of experience was quite low, and that they didn't really know exactly what change he was going to bring, they rallied and cried and voted. Now, eighteen months later the tide has turned. The change they've seen isn't the change they've wanted. Eighteen months in, Obama is old hat and his leadership has left something to be desired. He was a saviour that didn't end up saving.

Or what about technology? Whenever a new technology hits the stage we see all the benefits of it. It will simplify this, and streamline that. We have prided ourselves in our modern culture for our sophistication and for our inventions. They are a saviour for the needs of the day. That is until they become enmeshed in society and we start realizing what they bring isn't all good. Pornography use via the internet has skyrocketed - recent brain studies have shown that porn is re-wiring men's brains. And not for the good either. People are driving erratically while they text and call on cellphones, they are multi-tasking so extensively that they aren't focusing on anything. All of the technology lends itself very easily to addiction ... people looking at their phones a million times while they're out with friends, checking facebook umpteen times a day, and on and on. Now all the data is coming out and we're realizing that technology is a pretty poor saviour too.

It's funny in a pathetic way. We as humans try so hard to find a saviour of our own making, because then we get to dictate the terms, we get to satiate the desires that we think need satiating. We make ourselves into gods, and at the same time, seek a saviour, not realizing how that makes no sense.

Sin is amazing in that it can be totally blatant, and yet fool us into thinking it's subtle. I guess that's why we need our eyes opened by God. There's only one hope, only one Saviour - Jesus Christ. All the rest is an illusion. A pretty illusion, but an illusion nonetheless.

pad thai

2010-08-11T17:22:00.000-02:30

I made pad thai the other night for supper. It was delicious - the spice of the noodles and chicken combined with the crunch of the peanuts and sharp bite of the green onions .... definitely a make-again. I used a seasoning mix for the spice, but would like to try and make it myself next time. Anybody have a good recipe?

the weekend

2010-08-09T11:42:00.000-02:30

So the weekend is done. Just like that, we're back into the same ol', same ol'. I had great hopes of accomplishing some bigger jobs this weekend, but everything (read J&A) seemed to be conspiring to keep us from getting anywhere fast.

We had a great Sunday - we worshiped with Grimsby Bible Church and spent the day with J&L Thibault, feasting on steak & chicken and fresh muffins (not at the same time, of course). It was good to catch up with them and enjoy their new home and cool kids.

Aiden now has two teeth. They are like little razors and he enjoys sinking them into things. You can imagine how this might cause pain for me. Oh, and they are also making him wake up at various times of the night for comfort from, you guessed it, me. I'm in such high demand, you'd think I'd feel honored, but it's just making me feel tired.
That seems to be a common theme lately.

Anyways, I should probably use the energy that I do have and actually get to work. There are things to put away and things to pick up and things to clean and things to ... you get the idea. Adios.

sigh

2010-08-07T10:48:00.004-02:30

This world is such a juxtaposition of extremes.

It's a beautiful Saturday morning - sun streaming in through the windows, lush green all around, the possibilities abound for enjoyable pursuits. But there are children dying abandoned in Uganda right now, there are young girls being stripped of all worth in the slave trade, there are women choosing to murder their unborn offspring, there are men gambling away their life-savings and making destitute their families, there are any number of horrible activities going on. Like they say, all you have to do is read the paper and you'll know somethings wrong with the world.

I just don't get how things can seem so good, and at the same time, so bad. Sometimes I don't know how to live in this world - if I should be constantly grieving, or if I should be thankful for my blessings, or if I should give away everything for the people who don't have anything - how do I live a whole life in a broken world?

And why have I been given so many good things when there are people whose lives are wracked with suffering? Why are my children growing up in a place where adults don't abuse them, where they can have clean and healthy bodies, where they know love?

I know grace makes life unfair - we can't make this world a communist ideal no matter how hard we try. The poor will always be with you, Jesus said. That didn't make Him immune to their need though. It's just hard to reckon with all this in a non-divine mind. I can't wait for the new heavens and earth.

change is constant

2010-08-05T21:36:00.004-02:30

This summer has seen three of my sisters married - Rebecca was officially married in Turkey in April, Anne married on May 8 and Michelle (s-i-l) was married on May 15. Rebecca had a Canadian ceremony/reception on July 17 as well. It has been a busy time - but good. It's weird thinking about others in the family being married now - 4+ years had gone by without any siblings married and it was starting to feel like that might be how it always was.

But it was not to be - and I'm loving that I can relate on a marital level to a bunch of my sisters now!

Life has been busy in other ways too - the general settling in/small renovations/etc has seemed to drag on and on and shows no signs of being completed anytime soon. Everyone says that when you own a home the work is never done - and I'm realizing it's ridiculously true. I thought we had lots to keep up on before!

I don't want to complain though - our first house is fantastic. I love the location, the big trees, the quiet neighborhood, our own backyard, three levels to live on, the completely updated and beautiful kitchen with a window looking onto the backyard, the open-ness of the layout, my own washer and dryer, the front deck where we sit in the evening, I could go on. It seems unreal sometimes that God has blessed us (and me specifically) with so many of our wants, let alone needs.

The boys are growing and developing quickly lately. Aiden especially. He's walking with assistance, just got his first tooth, and generally being a nuisance by getting into e-v-erything.I love that boy though -- he's snuggly, and has a great sense of humour, and the way his face and big blue eyes light up in a smile is priceless.
Jakob's imagination is expanding daily - he's always coming up with little games and I love listening to him chatter away as he plays. He's also decided that being a big kid and all, that his business is best done on the toilet. (insert much rejoicing here) I was beginning to worry that he would be the anomaly and actually be that 16 year old who was still in diapers.

So yes, life has been full and full of change and looks like it will just remain that way.

I'm hoping this blog post is the first of a renewed attention to this medium, but we'll see how that pans out. Good intentions are usually just that, right?

stepping back to look at the big picture

2010-04-15T14:58:00.004-02:30

I've been thinking lately about what I'm doing in life. I mean, it seems like just yesterday that I was in university, falling in love, making plans for my future, and then our future. And now here I am, a mother of three ... one I never knew, two that occupy so much of my time and wondering - what is it that I'm doing? Was this what I saw for myself; does this life mean anything beyond the day by day journey of just getting through and trying for excellence?

I know the answers, and sometimes they even make sense and I see the worth in it all. Other days I wonder what it was that possessed me when I envisioned being a mother. One thing I do know, that looking back on what I've done before kids and had planned to do without kids, was not that life shattering. I planned on time spent with friends, without the hassle of children needing to go to bed at home. I planned on more education, that way I could help and shape lives that were in turmoil. Women who had unplanned pregnancies, people with mental illnesses. Well, it turned out that I didn't need the education after all to help and shape lives. I've been given a crash course in being the number one helper and shaper of two lives ... except I don't clock out at 5pm ... it's more of a round the clock thing.
I planned on selfish things really. Things that I wanted, not necessarily things that would make me more Christ-like, more available to others.

The thing I don't like (that very un-Christlike part of me) is that motherhood, the role where I've been placed isn't at all glamorous. I try ... but somehow have not achieved that dream of clean children, dressed in all the latest baby fashions, with a gorgeous house and gourmet foods, with time to spend doing all sorts of interesting things. My body doesn't look like I've never had two kids. I want to be intellectual ... and I still try to stretch my mind, but frankly if I had to pick a book or a nap, I'd go for the nap.

Maybe what I'm realizing is that though the big picture of my job - raising of children - is of more significance than the vast majority of jobs in this world, it has many downsides. It has consequences that alter your life forever. But when I think about it, I'd much rather be chasing a 2 year old upstairs to change his diaper then be child-less working a job that just pays bills and choosing to not have children because it suits my selfish desires more. Because I never realized how selfish I was until I was given a baby who needed me all the time. I wanted me time, I wanted to run the show, and I couldn't anymore. And as much as I still want that freedom, I think I'm learning that it isn't really that important for me to have it. One day the big picture will be easier to see ... right now it's blurred in the haze of all that needs to be done. But the big picture is still there and it makes life a little sweeter when I realize that my plans for life, though they seemed so important, are nothing compared to what God is doing with my life in the mundane and crazy role of motherhood.

enjoying the earth vs loving the world

2009-10-28T14:41:00.003-02:30

"Do you see the world God created as a giant temptress, waiting to lure us away from true faith and devotion, or do you see it as a mother who nurtures our faith and disciplines us toward pure devotion and abundant life?" ...

This article is amazing. Read it! I've been thinking/talking about this very thing in recent days and the thoughts in this article are so timely for me.

it's the most wonderful time of the year (except for Christmas, of course)

2009-10-03T14:34:00.003-02:30

It's fall. I'm absolutely loving it, even though Kev thinks I'm psycho for enjoying gray skies and colder weather. I think I love all the things that come along with fall more then the weather. As much as I love leaves dancing around and drinking tea curled up on the couch and crisp wood smoke drifting through the window there is something else about this time of year.

It's all the memories and events - 5 years since Kev and I started dating, 4 years since we got engaged, Thanksgiving, 2 years since I met my son face to face, celebrating 24 years of living and now looking forward to meeting my child. Nothing like writing things down to realize how blessed you are...

So yes, Jakob is turning two in 3 weeks. I can not believe it's been two years. He has turned our world upside down and we love it. This past year he has grown so much in maturity and developmentally. His vocabulary alone has gone crazy in the last few months. It's so fun to talk to him in conversations and get a glimpse into what he's thinking. He's still a little squirt, but I don't mind - except for trying to find pants that won't fall down off his skinny waist.

I'm 32 weeks pregnant and both excited and apprehensive about having a newborn in the house again.
I feel good for the most part -- tired, but
that's to be expected. I'm supposed to
take it easy so that I don't go into premature labour, so I'm trying to cut back on my perfectionist tendencies and just relax. I'm enjoying the
guilt free naps and taking a lot of cuddles on the couch with Jakob. The picture at the right is me at 30 weeks.

after vacation ponderings

2009-08-19T15:25:00.003-02:30

It's only been a little less than three months since I've posted on here -- yikes!

Summer has been busy for us, especially this past month and the next few weeks. Kev and I were able to spend 9 days touring places in Ohio, Pennsylvania, West Virginia, and Maryland before we headed to the WorshipGod09 conference in Gaithersburg MD at the beginning of August. It was a child-free vacation which was much simpler and great for just being together. Jakob stayed at my parents for most of the time, and made a one-night stop at Kev's parents before being reunited with us.

We got to see a lot of cool stuff -- Falling Water (the pinnacle of Frank Lloyd Wright's architecture work), Gettysburg, a real warm spring - which we bathed in and found so overly warm that we took years off our lives instead of becoming more youthful, toured Annapolis and tryed their famous crab cakes, the Rock'n'Roll Hall of Fame/Museum in Cleveland ... not to mention driving through the Alleghany Mountains!

The WorshipGod conference was awesome. It involved a lot of stretching mentally and was a crazy busy three days, but we learned and thought about a lot of stuff and had the chance to hear John Piper speak in person. Taking notes from him was intense!

Probably the single biggest thing for me to think about now is how comfort zones and true biblical worship are not necessarily the same. I went to a seminar called Physical Expressiveness in Corporate Worship and was really convicted. I've been suppressing physical expressions of praise for a long time now because I often feel fearful of what people will think of me, or don't want to distract or rock the boat, etc. But I think the Bible is pretty clear that lifting hands, bowing down, kneeling, etc are all not only allowed but GOOD physical expressions of the heart worship that is taking place. Reading the Psalms gives us a pretty clear indication that worship isn't just to be a stoic singing of a hymn. It's actually pretty sad that we express ourselves physically in virtually every other sphere of life, especially the important and intense ones, but don't when praising the Most High God.

So right now I'm trying to figure out the balance between those thoughts and the whole weaker-stronger brother thing. If you have any helpful thoughts for me, they'd be greatly appreciated!

life moves along

2009-05-22T14:30:00.004-02:30

I'm 13 weeks pregnant and feeling like myself again. Oh the joy of nausea free days. I'm always amazed at how much I take good health for granted. I'm so excited to be able to eat without thinking through each bite, to be able to actually DO things without dragging myself around like a dead cat. I'm not sure that simile actually works, or maybe it's just entirely too accurate.

I heard the baby's heartbeat galloping along at about 160 bpm this week -- which was like music. I hadn't realized how much I had been awaiting that sound until I realized like it was the first time that there actually is a 3 inch child in there, fully formed and fully alive.

Jakob and I are enjoying these beautiful late spring days with the windows wide open and time outside. I don't envy you people who must go to work and sit in offices. I put sunscreen on Jakob for the first time yesterday when we went outside and he smelled like summer the rest of the day. I'm so looking forward to this summer with him. He gets to discover beaches, splashing in little pools, sand, long days and nights spent outside, and Kev and I get to discover it all over again with him.

Kev turned 24 this week -- all of a sudden we're well into our twenties and life is speeding up. Crazy. We went out for dinner to Paradiso's -- a Mediterranean restaurant downtown Burlington. We had lots of wonderful food and then walked it all off by the bay. Kev remarked that this was his favourite birthday that he could remember, but since he doesn't have memories of any other birthdays I didn't get overly excited. But in all seriousness, it was an absolutely fantastic night. I love dates that end up with you both in the same place at the end of the night.

Anyhow, Jakob has shut the door to his room and is quietly playing. This could be great news or mean that something of great proportions is taking place. I really should investigate.

Enjoy your weekend in the sun.

thoughts in grey

2009-04-20T13:51:00.002-02:30

It's hard to not be gloomy today. It's a grey and wet Monday morning, Jakob has a runny nose, is overtired and cranky and I am feeling the fatigue and nausea that have plagued me the last month or so. I know that pregnancy is supposed to be a joyful time, but it hasn't been that joyful yet. The thought of another child doesn't seem real yet, and when I do think about it, through my haze of exhaustion, it brings a wee bit of terror to my heart to consider dealing with two children at once!

There I've said it. I've been scared to admit to that fact, feeling guilty everyone around me seems much more thrilled than I am.

Don't get me wrong - Kev and I wanted to have another child. We love being parents and the thought of a larger family is a good one in concept. We are amazed at the miracle of creation that God does inside me. But I'm realizing that even when God answers your prayers it's not always the fade away into the happily ever after. Pregnancy hormones are a crazy roller coaster that cause all sort of a havoc in a previously "normal" woman. Life is sometimes made up of those movie moments, but lately for me it seems more like a replay of times I'd rather forget.

And I think it's high time I stopped putting on a facade of joy only to feel worse inside. I know that God is good and I'm able to rejoice for what He's done both large and small scale in my life. But that doesn't mean that rough days are not rough and that the gap between what I want to feel and what I do feel is any less wide. Maybe it's time to let honesty reign - even if that means you see me filled with grey.

speak for the speechless

2009-03-31T14:39:00.007-02:30

Usually when I think of Proverbs 31 it's all about that amazing woman who apparently never slept and managed to do everything while her husband just sat in the gate. Just kidding ...

Anyways, I was reading it this morning and realized that the verse preceding the discourse on the wise woman was amazing, especially in light of what I did last night.

"Open your mouth for the speechless,
In the cause of all who are appointed to die."
Proverbs 31:8

Last night, and a week previous I stood vigil in Toronto across from the "Woman's Care Clinic" aka a child death/abortion clinic. It was part of the 40 Days for Life campaign - something you should take part in if you can.

Being there last night I felt so helpless/inadequate. The numbers of children killed are hugely devastating, and people are so blinded to the truth of life that it seems sometime that doing something isn't making any difference. I know that there is a difference being made -- close to 300 children have been saved from abortion that we know about through the campaign (all over N.A.), but sometimes it seems so futile when it's freezing cold and people are giving you the finger and repeatedly angrily yelling.

Anyways, back to the verse. God calls all of us to stand up and speak for the speechless ... those whose parents are planning on killing them, those who are "appointed to die". No matter what the result, it's our job to stand up and speak. And that was tres encouraging for me. It's easy to justify our own frustrations with the lack of change with apathy. It's not "cool" to stand up, it's not convenient, easy or tidy. But if we're not speaking for them, who will? And I can guarantee that Christ will not care about our reasons for putting ourselves or our comfort before those voiceless children when we stand before Him and give account of our lives.

true humanity

2009-03-20T09:46:00.002-02:30

I was thinking the other day how sad it is for people who don't know Christ. I mean, in a general sense, of course it's sad and tragic. But one of the out workings of not being a Christian means that you'll never get to experience what it's like to be truly human. Humanity as it is now is broken and fallen and never perfect ... but that's not what humanity was designed to be. One day, we'll get to experience true humanity as perfect, sinless beings in complete fellowship with God in a new world without sin. That is going to be amazing!

treasuring

2009-03-12T11:48:00.004-02:30

I enjoy these moments so much -- the ones where Jakob is peacefully cuddling his "blankie" in bed, oblivious to the world, and where I sit down with a hot beverage. I know that I won't always have this privilege, so I'm treasuring the moments when I get them!

Since Kev has gotten back from Switzerland, I've been thinking more about how much I treasure him too ... 4 days away doesn't seem that long in retrospect, but it was enough time to realize that I take him for granted (already, after only 3 years!!). Someone at church last night told me that they see Kev and I have such a loving marriage ... and it made me remember again that we are utterly and completely blessed by God. To sum up, Kev, if you're reading this -- I love you like crazy.

The rest of you can now choke back the gagging and move on with your days. :)

want to be a winner?

2009-02-24T10:53:00.004-03:30

Check out this site for a chance to win an ESV Study Bible, Calfskin edition. I'm writing this post to throw my own hat into the ring.
Anything I've read or heard about the ESV translation and/or ESV Study Bible has been good. Who knows, maybe I'll switch from the NKJV at some point.

saturday thoughts over a cuppa'

2009-02-07T13:15:00.000-03:30

I'm using the Saturday morning slowness that I love to do things like post on my blog (finally!), update pictures on facebook (Jakob is cute!) and drink tea. I'm realizing more and more that life is different than I expected when I was younger. I always thought there would be a time when you were caught up, when life was "settled", when you didn't have the unexpected constantly making you juggle priorities.

That however, is not life. So I relish times when my to do list is small enough that I don't feel entirely guilty for taking time to do things that aren't as important. Like update my blog, for example.

Honestly, Kev and I approached the new year thinking to ourselves that we were going to look at our commitments and think about our priorities for this year, etc. We wanted to make sure we weren't as busy as we have been. And then Kev's work booked him for a LEED exam half way through January, so that took ALL his time until then. After that, he started working 12 hour days to make a deadline at work, and then promptly fell sick because he'd worked himself into the ground. That brings us to the beginning of February -- where we're already in the midst of my school, Living Worship, priorities at church, etc ad nauseum. It drives me crazy. I'm still hoping we can sit down to talk about it, but at this rate we should have our priorities straight for 2010.

Jakob now has the awful fever-cold-general awfulness that Kev is still getting over. Thankfully I'm feeling well still, and I know it's God keeping me healthy because I really should be sick. Jakob is a little trooper -- he's still smiling and playing, but I know he feels like a truck hit him when I see his red-rimmed eyes look up at me during a hacking cough and he hoarsely says "Beh" (bed).

Jakob is 15.5 months -- and every inch a toddler. You probably get tired of me saying that I don't know where time went, and what happened to my baby, but oh well. I honestly am amazed at how fast babies grow. It's like I'm excited for each new stage and mourning how fast he passed through all of the other stages all at once. He's mostly weaned, which is another big step. He amazes us almost daily with things he knows. He loves to point out objects in his books and his vocabulary is really expanding. Communication in words is a lot of fun. All in all, he's still the light of our lives and we thank God that he's blessed us with such an awesome son!

I really need to stop posting about how busy I am. I think I rambled on about that in one of my last posts too. I do have lots of other thoughts and even intellectual musings. They just seem to be more difficult to formalize into an intelligent post. I'm enjoying reading Sex and the Supremacy of Christ (edited by John Piper) a lot. Not too far into it, but really impressed so far. Now I realize that the last time I mentioned the above topic on my blog (back when I was first married), I received some negative feedback. This book addresses that phenomenon by saying that we shouldn't be more "holy" than the Bible. If God wrote a whole book about the beauty of intimacy within marriage, we shouldn't be afraid to discuss it in the church or in our communication with others. Nor should we always discuss it in the context of "don't do this". Positive affirmation and teaching on sex within marriage should not be something that we have to look outside the church for. Just because the culture has gone whole-hog into places that we are to stand firm against does not mean that we should jump to the other extreme and become those who blush at the mention of one of God's greatest gifts.

And on that note, I'm going to get some lunch going. Til next time ...

a short film worth watching

2009-01-01T22:16:00.001-03:30

Check out Volition.

Tell me what you think.

christmas wasn't warm or fuzzy

2008-12-18T12:56:00.004-03:30

I was reading the account of Christ's birth today and I realized something -- the birth of Christ wasn't glamorous, cozy, or hyped up. It was surrounded by humble and even shocking circumstances.

Mary and Joseph were homeless, in the open air, or perhaps in a cave with animals. Mary was uncomfortably pregnant, surrounded with animal dung, dusty air from the straw and hay, and not even married to the man she was with. No inn would have them -- perhaps because they were unmarried. They were not accepted by the community because of their circumstances. Jesus was born and placed in a feeding trough. Though the nativity scene has been made charming in little sets for our mantles, it wasn't charming. Jesus was brought into the world in a place that was as humble as you can get. It wasn't something that would have stood out to someone -- they would have passed by and not taken a second glance. Shepherds, the outcasts of society, were the first to hear the news. They told everyone they saw, but who really paid attention to what they said? We read this story and it means something to us, but only because now we have seen the whole picture. We read Luke 2 and get warm fuzzies -- but it wasn't warm, and it wasn't something that made a whole lot of sense to anyone back then. It was something that stirred some peoples hearts and they began to see that this was the Messiah, but few people realized it, and no one truly understood what was going to take place in the coming years.

All of these thoughts and more make me realize that as I stand at the end of 2008, with the mundanity of life around me, with no big picture of what world events will mean in the coming years, that this is how God works. He doesn't come and give us a full picture of what he's doing, he doen'st usually work in big and powerful and mindblowing ways. That will happen, one day, when everyone sees who Jesus Christ is -- but not yet. In the little activities of life, God works. His plan is unfolding -- unseen for the most part, but it is unfolding. And maybe one day, when I look back at life, I will see how my actions built part of the kingdom of God.

So we come back to faith -- faith in a God who is working, and who has worked His plan in this world. That baby who was born and put in a feeding trough, never really climbed any higher in the corporate ladder. He died a gruesome death, mocked to his dying breath. But in those events God brought salvation to His people and hope for this groaning and dying world.

God is working. I'm excited.

guilted into it

2008-11-22T10:45:00.003-03:30

I'm posting because I think I owe it to all of you people that read this and are tired of thinking about the Reformation. I've been uninspired, too tired and too busy to write lately. Getting through the day with a modicum of energy left and my to-do list somewhat accomplished is about the extent of my creativity.

K&I are really too busy. We really are. We are out a lot of nights right now and when we are home, and supposed to be catching up on home stuff we are just too tired. Jakob walk-runs everywhere now, so keeping him in line is busier too. He's really cute though -- he loves to imitate us and it's quite comical. He "talks" on the phone, "prays" before and after meals (the after meal thing was kinda weird, because we never do that, but every time we finish a meal he starts praying, so now we've started too) and now he kisses us. Sometimes he gets his tongue into things, so we're trying to nip that in the bud. He thinks it's funny. He calls me mom, and sometimes it sounds like this: "mooooom". I can't believe he's got the teenage version of my name down already. But yeah, being parents to a one year old is sometimes surreal, and mostly awesome. There's nothing quite like watching your tiny offspring toddle around the house making cute sounds and being goofy while cuddling on the couch.

Next weekend is Living Worship in Woodstock, and I'm really excited for this event. We're doing it on prayer, and instead of a speaker we are thinking about prayer, and spending a good chunk of time in prayer following the ACTS model. The group I'm in is doing the confession portion of the model, and it's been really good to think about something that so easily can not become part of prayer.

The weekend after that is Messiah. I'm beyond stoked to sing. Everything is starting to come together music wise, and I'm finding my voice now can just fly through notes without thinking whereas before I was struggling. You should come if you can. I mean, I know that the solos can be a little crazy, but on the whole it's amazing and if you do come, I'm sure you'll see me crying through the last song, Worthy is the Lamb/Amen. :)

Tomorrow is my 23rd birthday -- not sure what Kev has planned, but I think it's gonna be a low-key affair this year. Some years my new age seems to not fit, but this year I definitely feel like I'm 23.

So yes, that's my guilt trip post so that you can all read something new. Hope you enjoyed.

thoughts on reformation day

2008-10-31T00:00:00.005-02:30

I decided to participate in the Reformation Day Symposium this year, hosted by Challies.
Many different thoughts came to mind as I considered what to write about, considering that the Reformation has had such a far reaching impact in many areas. I opted, however, to write regarding the heart of what the Reformation was about, the "sola's" -- and how we need them more than ever today.

The five sola's of the Reformation sparked a revolution, in the culture and in the hearts of men and women. The radical statements "Sola scriptura" (by Scripture alone), "Sola fide" (by faith alone), "Sola gratia" (by grace alone), "Solus Christus" (Christ alone), and "Soli deo gloria" (glory to God alone) were the pillars of belief that marked that era.

It is easy, however, to look at them only as that -- great beliefs that were expounded then and held to today, at least in the way we talk. But do we live out these truths in our lives?

The five sola's are eminently practical, and I want to encourage you today to think about how they play out in our living, and not just our talk. We are after all, Reformed, and very good at talk. But if no one could hear what we say, and only watch what we do, would they see that we live by Scripture's teaching alone, by faith alone, by grace alone, through Christ alone, and to bring glory to God alone?

I do not claim to have a life that consistently displays my beliefs in my actions. None of us can. That is, after all, why we need Christ.

And in that truth, I think, we can find a place to begin implementing our words into our deeds. Knowing that we are marred and thus our thinking is marred, we look to the Scripture's alone for truth. Knowing that we can not attain perfect sinlessness on our own, we trust in Christ's finished work on the cross by faith alone. Knowing that we can not live as He did, we rely on His grace to give us strength. Knowing that we have nothing that is beautiful in ourselves that He did not create in us, we live to bring all the glory to Him.

Beginning there we can think about the Church, our families, our communities, in the correct context. The questions we could ask ourselves are numerous, so I will limit the questions here to a few that have particularly struck me.

Is the way we "do" church based on God's word, or based on what people are comfortable with because that's the way it's been done (tradition)?

Do we rely on creeds or belief statements or catechisms or do we search out truth for ourselves in Scripture?

Do we blog, teach, take care of children, work, choose what to wear, sing, etc, etc because we long to bring God glory, or because of selfish ulterior motives?

Do we extend grace as freely as grace has been extended to us?

Do we trust in Christ alone for our salvation, or do we catch ourselves feeling more saved because we did "good" things?

My pastor often says we shouldn't "rest on our past laurels" and it's very true. What happened 491 years ago was amazing, and we can thank God that He moved so wonderfully. However, the Church needs revival today just as it did on October 31, 1517 -- may God begin with us.

identify yourselves

2008-10-25T11:40:00.003-02:30

So I was wondering who it is that really reads this blog? I know a few of you out there, but I'm often surprised who comes up and mentions they follow my writings. If you're brave enough to identify yourself, sign up as a "follower" of my blog. To do that, just look to the right of this post, and you'll see a new gadget that allows you to identify yourself as a reader of this blog. Just click the link that says "follow this blog" and then when the box pops up follow the instructions it gives.

"every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father ..."

2008-10-23T05:00:00.005-02:30

From this ...
to this ...

in one year.

I wrote this letter to Jakob but thought it expressed well what I'm feeling today in general.

"To my son Jakob on his first birthday --

Jakob, you'll read this letter not on your first birthday but someday when you can read or will understand what's being read to you. Still I wanted to write this letter today because of the significance of this time in your life and mine.

When I think back on your life, the time you spent inside me and the year you've spent discovering the world outside, I am filled with joy. You have brought so much happiness into my life. Your brief existence has been characterized by boundless energy, a spirit of adventure, intense emotions, a great sense of humour and a loving heart to your Dad and I. I love your personality and it's been amazing watching you develop into my little boy.

Thank you for the hugs and giggles you give me every day, the beaming smiles when I get you out of bed, and the chance to discover the world with you. You will always hold a special place in my heart because you initiated me into motherhood. I understand what it's like to be the first because I was born first too.

Jakob - I love you. More than I thought possible! I am so thankful to God for giving me the gift of you and I will love you, pray for you, treasure you and thank God for you every day of my life.

Today is your first birthday - at 8:01 pm one year ago you came into the world and screamed! I think it was too cold for you here. My favourite memory of that day was holding you, immediately after you were born, so close to me and telling you I loved you. You responded by peeing on me! You've been mischievous right from the start, monkey!

So much has changed this past year and yet you are still my little darlin'. Now that you're one you have an exciting year ahead -- learning to run, speak more words and colour with crayons. I'm so glad I get to spend this year with you, I wouldn't have it any other way.

Happy 1st Birthday, Jakob!

With lots of love,

Mommy"

thankfulness

2008-10-10T09:57:00.003-02:30

So my second favourite holiday is here again. I love Thanksgiving for a lot of reasons, not the least of which is the picture on the left. But I most of all love it because it always makes me stop and think about the life I have and how it's so rich with blessing.

So, in honour of this holiday and it's focus on thankfulness here is my "be thankful" list, 2008 verson.

I am thankful because ...

... I am a child of God, not because of anything I've done or deserved, but because God's grace has covered my sin with the blood of Jesus.

... I'm married to Kev. He still makes my heart skip, my brain work harder, and my life beautifully full.

... my (almost) one year old son -- Jakob is a ridiculously awesome gift from God. He brings joy, laughter, and child-like discovery into every day.

... of my dream job staying home with Jakob and making our home a haven for Kev.

... I'm surrounded by a big family close by and far away who I love.

... of friends who I've shared years, laughter, tears and many good times with.

... of music. Listening, singing, playing, worshiping, it's all amazing.

... of pumpkin pie with whipped cream, hot choco with whipped cream, oh yes, I love whip cream.

... of changing seasons, especially fall with it's crisp air and earthy colours.

... I get to cuddle with Jakob each night before bed.

... of Living Worship.

... I still get to do school and make my brain grow.

... I have a home and enough food.

... of a church family that is helping me grow.

... this December I get to sing Messiah again!

I could probably go on and on, but I'll spare you and just hope that this list inspires you to think about your life and blessings and thank God for what he's given you.

Happy Thanksgiving!

new look

2008-10-03T11:08:00.002-02:30

So I changed the look of the blog -- the green theme was getting boring.

I'm not completely satisfied with the look, I like the colour scheme, but I would like a different font and the Spanish at the top to go away. I've not been able to format these away yet however.

What do you think?

words of the messiah

2008-09-15T12:48:00.003-02:30

As of tonight I'm going to be rehearsing for Messiah with Redeemer Alumni Concert Choir. I'm beyond excited to sing this amazing work of music and words again. The following is the Scripture from which the Messiah is taken. It's amazingly powerful (which I guess we should expect considering it's the Word of God). :)

Piercing Light in the Darkness

“Comfort, comfort my people,” says your God. “Speak tenderly to Jerusalem, and proclaim to her that her hard service has been completed, that her sin has been paid for. In the desert prepare the way for the LORD; make straight in the wilderness a highway for our God.” Every valley shall be raised up, every mountain and hill made low; the rough ground shall become level, the rugged places a plain. And the glory of the Lord will be revealed, and all mankind together will see it. For the mouth of the LORD has spoken.

This is what the Lord Almighty says: “In a little while I will once more shake the heavens and the earth, the sea and dry land. I will shake all nations, and the desired of all nations will come, and I will fill this house with glory. See, I will send my messenger, who will prepare the way before me. Then suddenly the Lord you are seeking will come to his temple; the messenger of the covenant, whom you desire, will come,” says the Lord Almighty.

But who can endure the day of his coming? Who can stand when he appears? For he will be like a refiner’s fire or a launderer’s soap. He will sit as a refiner and purifier of silver; he will purify the Levites and refine them like gold and silver. Then the LORD will have men who will bring offerings in righteousness.

The Lord himself will give you a sign: the virgin will be with child and will give birth to a son, and will call him Immanuel, which means “God with us.”

Good News: The King is Born

You who bring good tidings to Zion, go up on a high mountain. You who bring good tidings to Jerusalem, lift up your voice with a shout, lift it up, do not be afraid; say to the towns of Judah, “Here is your God!” Arise, shine, for your light has come, and the glory of the LORD rises upon you. See, darkness covers the earth and thick darkness is over the peoples, but the LORD rises upon you and his glory appears over you. Nations will come to your light, and kings to the brightness of your dawn.

The people walking in darkness have seen a great light; on those living in the land of the shadow of death a light has dawned. For to us a child is born, to us a son is given, and the government will be on his shoulders. And he will be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace.

And there were shepherds living out in the fields nearby, keeping watch over their flocks at night. An angel of the Lord appeared to them, and the glory of the Lord shone around them, and they were terrified. But the angel said to them, “Do not be afraid. I bring you good news of great joy that will be for all the people. Today in the town of David a Savior has been born to you; he is Christ the Lord.” Suddenly a great company of the heavenly host appeared with the angel, praising God and saying, “Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace to men on whom his favor rests.”

Rejoice greatly, O Daughter of Zion! Shout, Daughter of Jerusalem! See, your king comes to you, righteous and having salvation. He will proclaim peace to the nations. Then will the eyes of the blind be opened and the ears of the deaf unstopped. Then will the lame leap like a deer, and the mute tongue shout for joy. Water will gush forth in the wilderness and streams in the desert.

He tends his flock like a shepherd: He gathers the lambs in his arms and carries them close to his heart; he gently leads those that have young. “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”

The Shepherd Becomes the Lamb

John saw Jesus coming toward him and said, “Behold, the Lamb of God, who takes away the sin of the world!” He was despised and rejected by men, a man of sorrows, and familiar with suffering.

“I offered my back to those who beat me, my cheeks to those who pulled out by beard; I did not hide my face from mocking and spitting.”

Surely he took up our infirmities and carried our sorrows, yet we considered him stricken by God, smitten by him, and afflicted. But he was pierced for our transgressions, he was crushed for our iniquities; the punishment that brought us peace was upon him, and by his wounds we are healed. We all, like sheep, have gone astray, each of us has turned to his own way; and the LORD has laid on him the iniquity of us all.

“All who see me mock me; they hurl insults, shaking their heads: ‘He trusts in the LORD; let the LORD rescue him. Let him deliver him, since he delights in him.’ Scorn has broken my heart and has left me helpless; I looked for sympathy, but there was none, for comforters, but I found none. Look around and see. Is any suffering like my suffering that was inflicted on me, that the LORD brought on me in the day of his fierce anger?”

For he was cut off from the land of the living; for the transgression of my people he was stricken.

“You will not abandon me to the grave, nor will you let your Holy One see decay.”

The Lord, the True King of Kings

Lift up your heads, O you gates; be lifted up, you ancient doors, that the King of glory may come in. Who is this King of glory? The LORD strong and mighty, the LORD mighty in battle. Lift up your heads, O you gates; lift them up, you ancient doors, that the King of glory may come in. Who is he, this King of glory? The LORD Almighty – he is the King of glory.

For to which of the angels did God every say, “You are my Son; today I have become your Father”? No, when God brings his first-born into the world, he says, “Let all God’s angels worship him.”

When you ascended on high, you led captives in your train; you received gifts from men, even from the rebellious – that you, O LORD God, might dwell there. The Lord gave the word, and great was the company of those who proclaimed it. How beautiful are the feet of those who bring good news! Their voice has gone out into all the earth, their words to the ends of the world.

Why do the nations conspire and the peoples plot in vain? The kings of the earth take their stand and the rulers gather together against the LORD and against his Anointed One. “Let us break their bonds asunder,” they say, “and cast away their yolks from us.” The One enthroned in heaven laughs; the Lord scoffs at them. You will rule them with an iron scepter; you will dash them to pieces like pottery.

Breathtaking Victory

I heard what sounded like a great multitude, like the roar of rushing waters and like loud peals of thunder, shouting: “Hallelujah! For our Lord God Almighty reigns.” The seventh angel sounded his trumpet, and there were loud voices in heaven, which said: “The kingdom of the world has become the kingdom of our Lord and of his Christ, and he will reign for ever and ever.” On his robe and on his thigh he has this name written: “KING OF KINGS AND LORD OF LORDS.”

I know that my Redeemer lives, and that in the end he will stand upon the earth. Christ has indeed been raised from the dead, the firstfruits of those who have fallen asleep. For since death came through a man, the resurrection of the dead comes also through a man. As in Adam all die, so in Christ all will be made alive.

Listen, I tell you a mystery: We will not all sleep, but we will all be changed – in a flash, in the twinkling of an eye, at the last trumpet. For the trumpet will sound, the dead will be raised imperishable, and we will be changed. For the perishable must clothe itself with the imperishable, and the mortal with immortality. When the perishable has been clothed with the imperishable, and the mortal with immortality, then the saying that is written will come true: “Death has been swallowed up in victory. Where, O death, is your victory? Where, O death, is your sting?” The sting of death is sin, and the power of sin is the law. But thanks be to God! He gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ.

If God is for us, who can be against us? Who will bring any charge against those whom God has chosen? It is God who justifies. Who is he that condemns? Christ Jesus, who died – more than that, who was raised to life – is at the right hand of God and is also interceding for us.

In a loud voice we all sing: “Worthy is the Lamb, who was slain, to receive power and wealth and wisdom and strength and honor and glory and praise!”
Finally, I hear every creature in heaven and on earth and under the earth and on the sea, and all that is in them, singing: “To him who sets on the throne and to the Lamb be praise and honor and glory and power, for ever and ever!”

Amen.

FYI: Jakob update

2008-09-13T12:12:00.004-02:30

Jakob has teeth! -- two through and two more on the way. He's been doing really well so far with not being a total grouch, sleep at night is a little rougher but that's evening out too.

He's such a little late bloomer.

a broken hallelujah

2008-09-04T10:33:00.002-02:30

I'm pensive today as I think about life. There is part of me that is ready to hop (hop? now that's a strange image) right into the busyness and schedule of September. There are exciting things beginning and restarting. Living Worship, Alumni Choir practices, my online course, Bible studies, etc, etc. But there is another side of me that feels like time has slipped away from me this summer and that it wasn't used to it's potential. I know I never use time to it's potential, or at least very rarely, but it seems to me that I really dropped the ball this past season.
Our summer has been busy, but I feel like those glorious summer days weren't enjoyed enough for just what they are, glorious. I filled them up with things and busyness and lost out.

And then my pensiveness expresses itself in the fact that there is so much intertwining of hurt and beauty, life and death, tears and laughter around me. Some people I know are just beginning beautiful lives together in marriage, others are waiting on God(or trying to) -- lonely. And I know that you're supposed to trust God with the future re: marriage, but when you're waiting I've watched enough friends to know that it's often a very lonely process. There have been beautiful babies born, and there are those who are saying goodbye to friends and family members for the last time. There are amazing moments in my life, where the sky isn't big enough for how I feel, and times when I can't breathe because it hurts too much. Jakob is a boy, and that's filled with such joy ... but yet, he has lost his babyhood, and I mourn it's passing. You are reading this thinking, yes, Sarah, this is life. And I know that too. It's just one of those moments where I realize that this isn't really life. It's just what we know as life. There is a life that is coming where the bittersweet won't be bitter and the songs won't be lonely and the community won't be broken. It's called heaven -- and it's going to be amazing.

summer 2008

2008-08-05T11:44:00.002-02:30

We've had a really full summer so far - we left for a 17 day tour of Holland, Germany & France in the middle of June, got back early July, and since then have visited Chris & Rach in Grand Rapids, been part of Dan & Joyce's wedding (Kev was a groomsmen) and planned and attended my parents 25th wedding anniversary party. In between busy weekends Kev found a job -- which he is starting today actually.

He's now working at McCallum Sather Architects in Hamilton as a Technologist. We're really thankful for the job and the opportunity, and grateful that he's found work in the area and doesn't have to commute to Toronto every day.

I'm loving the stage of life I'm in right now. Jakob is wonderfully charming, cute & extremely active. He's now 9.5 months and standing (for brief moments), walking if you hold his hands or if he's pushing something and can say "Mom". It's so much fun.

Jakob now has two longer naps in the day and so this gives me the chance to have some time to myself, whether that be reading, cleaning, surfing, cooking, etc. I'm finally able to actually get into books again.

Speaking of naps, I should really utilize Jakob's current one. So it's just a quick update to let y'all know that we ARE alive, and well, and busy. But such is what life is made of, right?

time got away with me

2008-05-17T12:21:00.003-02:30

I apologize for the vast amount of time between my posts. I keep meaning to ... but time gets away fast these days. Kev finished school with class, which I expected, but I'm still so proud of his hard work and happy about the recognition he's gotten because of it.

Since then he's been home ... which has been wonderful and a little frustrating. I can't get ANYTHING done. I don't know if the problem is that he's so distracting ... :) or if it's because between him and Jakob needing me for things, I walk around all day spinning. I can't say that it's been all unproductive though ... we've accomplished a lot of stuff in the past month. We drew up a will and our POA documents, got life insurance, did our taxes, lots of miscellaneous odd jobs, did some financial & career planning, made tile frescoes of our wedding vows for over our bed, got the car all ready for summer, watched some just awful B-grade movies (yes, we watched the "Love Comes Softly" series by Janette Oke) and decided that the point of the movies was to make you really glad that the heroine wasn't someone you knew. Oh yes, and Kev started his job hunt. (*cough*finally)

He's looking locally right now because we don't like the idea of him being home at 6:30 or 7:00 every night just in time to put Jakob to bed. I'm so glad that our family is more important to him than a career or making money. So we wait and pray and see what God brings ... who knows, maybe he'll end up working in Toronto because there's no response here. While he's working we're looking very seriously at him doing the Royal Architectural Institute of Canada (RAIC) Syllabus Program. It's an online/design studio in Toronto school program that takes 10-12 years part-time to complete, but gives him the equivalent necessary education (B. Arch & M. Arch) to become an architect. We researched and researched and researched about all of the options in the architectural field and how to get there, and man ... the road to becoming an architect is really long. So yeah, it'll be cool to see what will happen with this.

Jakob is learning more and more "tricks". :)

He learned to crawl two days ago (in the bathtub to get his duckie), is babbling loud and almost non-stop (dada, baba, mama, gaga .... etc) and is starting to try to talk to us with these "words". When he's upset because we've not gotten him out of his crib fast enough after a nap he starts babbling in this very sad voice and complains to us for a few minutes about how horrible we are to him. He is starting to try to pull himself up on things too. It's like all of a sudden the lightbulb went on somewhere. He's going to a story hour (which lasts 20 minutes) for babies at the library every week now. It's kind of funny because they do all these rhymes and songs and the biggest thing Jakob cares about is trying to eat his nametag and touching the other babies. I think the point is a bit lost on him. We're reaching the 7 month mark on the 23rd -- what everyone says about it going fast is an understatement.

LW is gearing up for our first actual event this year on the 24th of May. (see www.livingworship.ca for details. We're focusing on humility and as a group we've done a lot of talking and thinking about it. Humility is one of those things that once you think you've gotten, you've lost. It's also really important. So come out and worship with us!

Anyways, it's time to change the laundry loads and I should really get to my dishes. I need to use the time Kev's working today to get caught up on my stuff again.

Cheers.

change in plans

2008-04-03T20:52:00.003-02:30

So my week turned out completely different than expected. Sunday night we left church halfway through because Kev was really sick (very suddenly) and since then both he and I have been enjoying the stomach flu. Between that and his late hours I haven't really seen him all week. I keep thinking ... only 1 and a half more weeks. Only 9 more school days. Only. Seems like a long time til he's back to a more normal arrival at home in the evenings. April 16 is going to be a day of rejoicing, let me tell you.

Anyways, this small example of a week turning out completely differently than expected reminds me that despite my best laid plans, God truly directs each day according to His wisdom. I learned a little bit more about patience, perseverance and the blessing of family this week. Mom VH and Bec were awesome in helping me out.

2008-03-17T16:34:00.002-02:30

I think spring is coming. I'm hoping spring is coming. Winter has left me a little cabin feverish, and I'm dying to get outside and walk regularly (as opposed to trying to push a stroller through mounds of snow and ice). I've atoned for my lack of outdoor physical activity by doing Pilates inside at least 4 times a week. I'm enjoying it ... and actually sticking to it this time. Hurray for self control.

Easter is this weekend, which seems far too early for me, but I'm excited nonetheless. Easter is always a cool time of year, not just because it is a beautiful celebration of the mercy of God, but because 4 years ago, on Easter Sunday 2003, I was baptized. I always end up remembering that time ... it brings back a whole flood of memories, thoughts and feelings. Above all, it makes me so joyful that I am a daughter of the Most High -- the One that crafted our universe, the One who bought His People with His blood, the One that stoops down and guides our lives according to His master plan. There is so much significance in being God's child. My worth, purpose and daily grind of life has eternal meaning ... and that is something I treasure so much.

Jakob is almost 5 months (on Sunday) .. and has somehow changed into a little boy without us noticing when. His personality and character have continued making themselves known .. it's awesome to watch a person develop day to day. He's rolling over from back to front, and front to back, starting to sit up for a few seconds before toppling over, he's learned how to "kiss" (he's a little bit aggressive ... his kisses feel more like someone is trying to eat you), and has developed the painful habit of grabbing on for dear life whatever piece of you he can find (usually hair and skin! I wasn't aware that your neck skin stretched out so far...).

Kev is still in the chaos of school. He's done April 16th, so one month to go, but don't tell him that. It makes me happy to see the light at the end of the tunnel, but it makes Kev freak out, because he only has one more month to work on his project. Many prayers are going up on his behalf ... for his sanity, health, and his role as leader of the team. We are also looking at the middle of April as the time he starts looking for a fulltime job. He was pretty much planning on going back to his co-op position but that option has been put in question, so the world is his playground at this point. I'm very interested to see what will come of his job hunt, and where he'll end up working.

I'm almost done my school semester as well ... one major assignment to finish, and a small exercise, and I'm DONE! I found out today that my next course needed for my certificate is not available in the summer semester, so I have it off! Not that it's a huge time commitment, but it's nice to not have deadlines looming every week for "papers". Papers being in quotation marks because it's college, and their versions of papers are significantly different than I'm used to.

The wedding season is starting to come up too ... I'm pumped because my cousin Travis is getting married in Guelph in May, which means we can go to the wedding AND see all my family that we haven't seen since our wedding (and really, who has lots of time to visit at your own wedding!). They'll all get to meet Jakob too. The other exciting wedding of the year, is Dan W & Joyce's wedding ... Kev was asked to be a groomsmen, which always makes it more special.

Oh ... and speaking of exciting things, plans for Europe are really starting to take shape .. (at least some of them), and I'm so looking forward to seeing The Netherlands, Germany and France for 2 weeks. Our car is rented (a Mitsibuishi Colt), and all that's left to do is plan a final itinerary and book hotels and such. Some people think we're crazy for doing Europe with an 8 month old, but more and more I'm looking forward to being in Europe with Jakob. Not that he'll get too much from the trip, but I already enjoy showing him things closer to home, and having him be part of the trip makes it that much more richer. But I'll let you know how it goes. I'm already thinking Gravol would be handy for the plane ....

Anyways, my son is playing with his blankets in his crib, and it's time for me to feed him again. Amazing how fast 3 hours goes.

Til I post again ...

life as it is

2008-02-05T13:06:00.000-03:30

Life here is good. I'm settling into the groove ... some days feeling a bit like I have a 12lb weight hanging from me ... but usually loving it. Kev's in his last semester of school and getting progressively busier as it moves towards his final project due in April. He always pushes himself to reach that next bar, and this project is no different .. except he has to lead four other guys, who may or may not have the same objective. Group work ... oh, the not so fond memories I have.

Jakob is 15 weeks today ... that's 3 1/2 months. He's rolling and laughing and trying to sit up and becoming such a fun, interesting personality. His latest thing is sitting up and then bending forward completely so he can suck on his feet. Except then he can't pull himself back up into a sitting position ... too funny!

LivingWorship is starting a new round of events ... first practice tonight. We're focusing on humility this year, which is always humbling. So, so far to go.

I was looking at house prices the other day .. and wow, that was a exercise in disappointment. GTA house prices are RIDICULOUS! Makes me almost want to move out of this area. Almost, but not.

That's about all I have time for ... have a good one!

sick beyond comprehension

2008-01-20T12:06:00.000-03:30

In the last few days I've had the experience of watching two different pieces of media on abortion. Both have left me sick ...

I've always known in the back of my head what happens during abortion, and to some extent, how it's done. But learning the specifics and having the added knowledge of what it's like to be pregnant and go through childbirth has made the whole topic of abortion one that strikes much closer to my soul.

I think it's good to remind ourselves of the horrors of abortion ... we can become so calloused. I even find myself sometimes thinking of added and "untimely" children as "inconveniences". That scares me beyond belief.

We watched this video/multimedia project on abortion and while we did, in the left hand corner a ticker showed us how many babies had been aborted since we had started watching. Every 23 seconds it ticked off another life. It hit me again and again. A life gone, ... gone ... gone. Not just a life gone, a life taken. Lives taken so brutally it made me feel sick to my stomach.

In our country a child can be almost out of the birth canal at 38 weeks, and have his brain sucked out of his head before he can take his first breath of air. In our world, a baby at 8 weeks can have her limbs, head, eyes & organ burned with acid in the very place she was being nourished.

It reinforces to me how much we really do need God, and how "but for the grace of God, go I". It also makes me more determined to not be a wuss and feel awkward about stating the truth. Life begins at conception, life is precious and sacred and in the image of God, and life needs to be protected from those who play God for a short, short time. They won't be able to play God when they meet Him ... and I am really really ready for God to set things right. Til then, I am determined to fight for life on His behalf.

two years and you

2008-01-14T16:25:00.000-03:30

Strange how quickly two years passes, and how much it can hold. Life has exploded into a beautiful & crazy experience since I met you and becoming your wife has only made that experience more rich & full.

Thank you for all the memories that have filled our two years, thank you for continuing to dream of the memories to come, and thank you for being the person that I make memories with. I can think of no one else that I would rather spend a day, let alone a lifetime with.

yours...

ten to go.

2007-12-15T13:53:00.000-03:30

I had great expectations of myself for this Christmas ... four types of cookies to bake, 40 Christmas cards to send, presents bought and wrapped early, house decorated beautifully, Jakob smiling and clean for more than 5 minutes, and maybe even time to practice this awesome arrangement of "What Child is This?" on the piano. So, it's not all done. I haven't even started baking cookies (but I do have pumpkin pies made ...), the Christmas cards are in a perpetual state of being done, and Jakob is not always clean. (It's really hard OK? He gives her to the river from both ends endlessly!) Our Christmas tree is set up, has the lights and ribbon on, but no ornaments. Kev wants to do it with me ... and seeing as hes been gone from 8-8 every day this week and has a ridiculously long and awful cold .. the tree hasn't been top priority. So yeah, Christmas is as it should be ... just like life, never done but still having merit.

I've been meditating a lot on Mary this year ... it's kind of hard not to when I'm holding Jakob cuddled up in my arms. I wonder a lot what her thoughts were when she looked at Jesus. I have so much respect for her ... I mean, I don't know what God has planned for Jakob at all, but she had an inkling of what was to come and had to juxtapose the thoughts of this being the Son of God and her baby at the same time. How do you change a diaper/feed/soothe/play with a Child like that? It also makes me realize that I still have this deep set Gnostic notion that the physical is less worthy than the spiritual, when in reality they are truly wrapped up so tightly together you can't separate them in this life. Maybe that's one of the reasons why God came as a man, to teach us that he could be 100% man and 100% God and that both were holy.

stupidity

2007-12-01T14:53:00.000-03:30

I'm getting more stupid with each passing day right now. My brain keeps forgetting important tasks and missing very obvious answers. For example, today Kev went to open the church for Living Worship at 11:00. Peter & Candice were running late due to equipment rental issues and called me to let me know in hopes that Kev was at home. He wasn't, he had left work at 11:00 to open the church and we don't have a cellphone. For all you out there who now want to insert "wouldn't it be great to have a cellphone at times like these?", be quiet. Anyways, I thought about how to tell Kev ... couldn't call him at work because he had already left, couldn't call him at the church because he wasn't able to get in ... and so I gave up.

Later on when I called the church to ask when I was getting picked up, I realized that Kev had the KEY to the church, and had been inside waiting. I feel really stupid. Can I still blame this on the pregnancy?

Sigh.

reflections

2007-11-23T15:37:00.000-03:30

So I'm 22 now. Feels young and old at the same time. In some ways, I wouldn't have imagined that I'd be where I am now a few years ago, but deep down, I think I always kind of knew that I would be married and a mom at a fairly young age. When I tried to think of what I wanted to do with my life, no job except being a homemaker and mom really popped out at me. I'm learning that this job is like no other; it's totally what you make of it. You can be challenged and stimulated through it, or you can just zone out. It's kind of like writing your own job description.

Jakob is one month today -- a completely different baby than one month ago. He's smiling, engaged in books, holding his head, loving bath time, learning to take naps on his own, mad when he wants something NOW!, frustrated when I put him on his tummy and he can't look around at the world, and absolutely adorable. He pouts now, and has real tears when he's sad or hurt. It's super hard to resist ... but I'm trying. He loves listening to Kev and I sing to him, and likes "dancing" with me when he's tired. We're pretty enthralled with him.
He weighs 9lbs 6 oz -- which is awesome weight gain for 4 weeks, so I know that he's getting enough to eat. But you could tell that from his cheeks anyways. :)

We're so thankful that he's healthy and vibrant and alert, I've been hearing of a number of babies/children lately that are really sick, or died because of rare diseases. I don't understand why we've been blessed with a healthy child, and they've been given a shorter time to enjoy their child. It doesn't make sense in any human oriented world view. Maybe that's why it's so hard to understand why there is evil in this world for so many people ... the answer doesn't make "human sense", so people discard it. It's frustrating and totally comforting to know that God's thoughts truly are way higher than ours.

So I'm not sure if you heard, but Dan and Laura really weren't married until about a month ago. I know, I was at their wedding too ... but apparently they didn't have all the appropriate paper work in order, so they've been living in sin all this time. ;) Congratulations on actually getting married guys.

And lastly, if you haven't heard yet ... December 1st @ 7:30pm is LivingWorship at Trinity Baptist Church in Burlington. Check out www.livingworship.ca for full details, and come out and sing Christmas stuff with us.

jakob's acting debut

2007-11-21T12:46:00.001-03:30

I took this clip of him the other day when he was pretty excitedly working out his chubby muscles.

.

Jakob Ethan is here!

2007-10-24T11:54:00.001-02:30

Last night at 8:01, after 16 hours of labour, we welcomed Jakob Ethan to the world! He weighed in at 7 lbs, 4 oz and is 19 inches long. He's absolutely gorgeous and is in the good books with Mom for sleeping 5.5 hours last night straight.

Feel free to give us a call and come by and see him - we came home last night at 11:00.

I'm feeling great considering I went through the most intense pain of my life ... but, honestly, we can only thank God SO much for the greatness of His gift of Jakob, the blessing of a healthy baby, and an uncomplicated labour.

counting down

2007-10-17T13:56:00.001-02:30

So I'm still here, at home, still pregnant, still smiling and still large. Did you catch the still smiling part? Although I'm getting definitely ready for this whole labour thing to just happen already, I'm still enjoying not being up 3, 4, 5 times a night and instead sleeping in till noon every once in awhile. I just never know when it's going to end.

If you're wondering when exactly I'm due, well ... so am I.

This is how the chips fell:

On my second ultrasound report they gave a duedate of: October 17th (that's today)
During my second ultrasound they verbally said it was: October 20th (that's Saturday)
My first ultrasound (the dating one) and the calculations they do based on your last time of the month and all that: October 24th (that's next Wednesday).

Pretty much the last half of my pregnancy I've been saying October 20th, 'cause it's right in the middle, however, my midwives have been going by the October 24th one, and because they are the ones that decide when to induce me, etc., I'm now not really considering myself there until October 24th, just to make it easier on my brain.

However, that all being said - I could really have this baby at any time. Ever since last Saturday early am, I've been having contractions off and on, which is good for my body, but a tad annoying to deal with mentally because it gets your hopes up. This week I've decided to just ignore them as much as possible (because they aren't usually THAT bad) and get on with my week until I can't ignore them any longer. I have a midwife appointment tomorrow and hopefully they give me some sort of idea of what's going on with my body. I'm not going to get my hopes up though, they tend to be rather vague about stuff like that - probably mostly just because they've realized that there really is no way to tell. Some women seem like they are going to have the baby tomorrow and end up pregnant for another week and a half. Others look like they are definitely going to be overdue, and go into labour that night.

So, the waiting continues. I keep reminding myself that even though it seems like it could be a long time until we meet this kid, in reality it's a really short time and even if I'm still blogging pregnant in 2 weeks, 2 weeks is a drop in the bucket of time.

the end of an era, the beginning of something new

2007-10-09T19:39:00.000-02:30

Today was my first day home as a full time homemaker. It still hasn't hit me that I'm done working outside the home for a while. I have to admit, I wasn't as motivated as I'd hoped, and subsequently the dishes are all still all on the counter. However, I did finish my baby blanket and apply for EI benefits for the next year. That's fairly productive, right?

I've been thinking a lot lately about this change in my "status", from a "working professional" to "homemaker". When Kev took me out on Friday night to celebrate I told him that even though I truly valued the work I did at the CCAC and my other jobs, they never fulfilled the calling that I've always felt to be stay at home wife and mother. They were important, but they always paled in comparison to the thought of raising part of the next generation, being free to help Kev without time restrictions and having the freedom to be more involved in church and organizations that don't work around a 8:30-4:30 schedule. I feel so blessed to be given this opportunity, and thankful to Kev that he fully supports me in this, and won't ever make me feel undervalued because I'm not pulling in a bi-weekly income.

Not only that, but I'm really glad to be done working, because it was really getting taxing physically and mentally. My body is getting tired of lugging around these 30ish pounds that I've accumulated, and giving all it's best nutrients to the baby. Working fulltime was hard at the end, I'll say that. Mentally, the organization was frustrating to the extreme. Working through a large transitional time and dealing with incompetence and a lack of communication and not enough staff and no answers to your questions was not fun. I can honestly say that God taught me a lot of patience for others and how to work for Him and not dwell on the negative, but I'm glad I've been "delivered" from that period of life. :)

Anyways, I'm off to get supper ready. Hopefully with some more of this free time I have (at least for now) I'll post on here more often.

august 18

2007-08-18T14:47:00.000-02:30

Is is just me or is summer almost done? I always feel like it takes summer so long to creep in and when it finally bursts forth, it's a brilliant splash of sun, wind, beach, BBQ, parties, swimming, weddings, hot days, cool nights and then - Labour Day. Bam. Done, just like that.

It's been a good summer. It IS a good summer.

There have been no major vacations this summer, just mini ones. Kev and I spent Civic Holiday swimming, mini golfing, relaxing, reading, etc. It was awesome. And then, we're going camping next weekend at Rockpoint with some friends, which should be great fun. I hear Nick is planning crepes for breakfast. Most likely I won't have to help make them either, and if they try to make me, I'll just play the "I'm in my eighth month of pregnancy" card. Believe it or not, I haven't really used that one too much.

Last night was LivingWorship - park version. It went really well, great turnout and lots of people stopping by and or sitting down, and even some joining in. It was a totally different experience than usual, and I felt a little out of it the whole time because all I could hear was my own voice and the guitar right next to me. One really big downer was that Carol Lee's violin fell from the wind and dislodged a few parts. Hopefully it can be repaired easily and without much expense ....

Funny story - the other day I was talking to my Mom on the phone and she told my 6 year old brother Eric to take out the compost. He was willing, and headed out the door to the compost pile. About a minute later, I hear my Mom yell out the back door, "Eric, you need to take the compost pail WITH you." Details, details.

a smile for a tuesday

2007-07-03T19:02:00.000-02:30

Click here. It's funny. Really.

the LORD gives, and the LORD takes away ...

2007-06-29T10:01:00.000-02:30

... Blessed be the name of the LORD.

Yesterday held both rejoicing and mourning. Mark & Marlene got to meet their little Jared for the first time - how awesome is that! I can't wait to meet him and hear how everything went. The beginning of a life on earth, and a reminder that God is such a good giver of gifts.

God also takes away. Last night, Craig VanderVeen - one of the most awesome guys I've ever been privileged to be friends with, died in a car accident. He was at home in Manitoba - and get this, his facebook status was "Craig is home - booyah!" I don't think his status could reflect any better what he's experiencing right now.

Craig was focused, sincere, a great friend, smart, hilarious, and one of the most committed Christians I know. I'm going to miss him...

There are a lot of people who were closer to him than me, and loved him more, so please pray. But also rejoice - because Craig is truly home.

baby pics take 2

2007-05-30T19:23:00.001-02:30

So here is the picture of our baby at 19 weeks. I'm halfway there as of Saturday!
Lately, I can feel him/her dancing around inside me - sometimes kicking and sometimes deciding to flip around in very awkward positions.
During the ultrasound, it had hiccups. Needless to say, I thought it was the cutest thing ever.
Latest update on size: 10 inches long and 10.5 ounces light.

all about everything

2007-05-09T18:40:00.000-02:30

So as documented by my last post date, I've been a little busy and preoccupied lately.

What with a few last minute showers for Rach, organizing a wedding shower for a woman at my church, a belated Easter dinner and birthday celebration for Dylan, a date with Kev to celebrate his being done another year at school, midwife appointments, shopping for Kev's new job, and Rach's wedding stuff, and stuff for the baby, a day in Toronto at Casa Loma, a weekend at my parent's to celebrate Eric's 6th birthday (we got him the cool double light sabre that was his favourite!), Stefan's Profession of Faith, meeting with the family regarding a trip to Europe next year, Kev's award ceremony (he's amazing!), Kev starting his new job, the wedding rehearsal for Chris and Rach, then two days of busyness in Kitchener getting ready for the wedding and then FINALLY, the big day last Friday ... well, it's been a busy 3.5 weeks.

That made me tired ... which happens a lot lately!

It's been a great time too ... I've had some time off in there, which gave me the opportunity to spend time with Kev after not seeing him enough during the last month of school and being a part of Chris and Rach's wedding was awesome. It's so special to be an intricate part of a wedding that means SO much to you. They're honeymooning in Cuba currently, and I can't wait for them to get back so we can talk about everything. :)

Everybody asks me lately how the baby is doing ... and while I haven't spoken with him/her lately, I can tell you that this little 5 ounce, 6 inch long baby has taken over my body. I'm stupid-er, tired-er, less patient-er, bigger, and less comfortable-er than before. But I really don't mind ... at least not that much. I'm 16 weeks = 4 months. The baby is growing quickly, gaining hearing capacities, learning to cry silently (awww), moving around (although I can't feel it too well yet), somersaulting and playing with it's umbilical cord .. all pretty cool.

I'm excited, 'cause it's my first Mother's Day on Sunday. Not that anything is going to happen ... but yeh.

So Kev's job is going well - still adjusting to the new commute (GO train/streetcar) to Toronto, and the new hours (he leaves at 8 and gets back at 6:45), and the new work. He puts way too much pressure on himself to be perfect from day one. It's why he's such a good employee, and why he'll go far in any job - but also why he was so stressed he almost had a breakdown last week. All while I was an hour away in Kitchener ... bad timing ... He's still working Saturday at RONA for about 5-6 hours too. But things are getting better and more comfortable, so that's good. I'll just be glad when his first month is done, and things are a little more normal. Whatever that is.

Oh, and if anyone wants to come over and fold laundry, and finish my dishes, and vacuum my house, and clean the bathroom and make a grocery list/menu plan for me ... feel free. I'm a little behind.

And now that I'm thinking about that, I should probably get my butt in gear, before I get too lazy in this computer chair.

Ciao!

first time seeing our baby!

2007-04-12T22:55:00.000-02:30

So we went for an ultrasound today and it was one of the most amazing things we've ever experienced. We saw our baby stretch, move around, suck it's thumb, and heard it's heartbeat ... I can't even put into words how amazing God is. This little 4 inch long child has a body that is a miniature of ours ... we could even see the fingers and toes!

In the first picture the little "blob" that's above the face is the hand, and the "blob" at the end are the feet.

In the second picture you can see the ear on the side of the head.

I can't wait to actually hold and touch and feel this child - God is such a magnificent creator!

too true

2007-03-27T18:50:00.000-02:30

Check out this commentary by Albert Mohler on feminism and rights. This is where people end up when they search for ultimate authority over themselves.

we're having a baby!

2007-03-20T22:31:00.000-02:30

Those feet right there are the size of our baby's feet. Yes, I said it... our baby. We're looking forward to meeting him or her on or close to October 24th!

We're absolutely pumped that God has given us this incredible gift of life - I feel so priviledged that I am given the chance to carry life inside me ...

Wow, God is good.

updates

2007-03-12T19:55:00.000-02:30

Life is motoring on quickly. Spring is close, school is nearing the end of the semester, life is taking it's twists and turns with a quicker dexterity than usual.

I'm excited for Living Worship 9 coming up - Living Worship 8 went well, albeit with a smaller crowd than usual. Apparently, they want us to come back though! Paul Martin spoke passionately about the gospel - always good to speak grace to my soul. I can't wait to sing some of the songs again - and to hear the hush between the Word of God being read and the first notes of praise. It's beautiful.

Work is, well work. Still no word of when I move out of the Burlington office - my guess is late late June or July. The longer I'm there, the better in my books.

This week is going to be fun - three dinner events. One at Mom and Dad VHs, Chris and Jo are coming over for breakfast at supper and lots of good times, and Opa and Oma Lock are over before their trip to Europe on Friday. And then I get to see my fam. on the weekend. Yes for mom's cooking, lots of hugs, and hanging out with my sibs.

And now, I'm off to make chicken stir fry and rice for supper. I love making stir fry - it means I get to experiment with all kinds of sauces and spices. Cooking is therapeutic.

Oh, and one more thing. I love my church. I haven't been in a bit, seeing as I was at other churches for the last couple of weeks - and going last night was awesome. It feels like home now.

my side of the world this fine tuesday

2007-01-31T00:21:00.000-03:30

I went out for hot drinks and dessert at Demetre's tonight with Aimee and Sarah - good times had by all. Always fun to hang out with people you don't know as well, and find friends who love books, non-prudishness, discussing current issues and life as women.

I'm a new addict to Facebook. Apparently, I'm stereotypical. Who knew? *chucklesnervously*

You know how I just said I chuckled? Well, I didn't. I love the internet, you can do anything you want. For example, if you made a group on Facebook that was called "Sky diving Diva's" and posted pictures of people skydiving that could resemble you and learned about skydiving, lots of people from your old highschool would think "wow, that Sarah - she may be an old married, but look at that, she's still that go getter I remember from the days at LCCVI".

Anyways, past that little aside.

I felt better this afternoon, and so got a few things done, like some cleaning. Apparently my Oma (the supercritic) believes that I am an amazing housekeeper/cook/person in general. The only thing that I could improve on is not putting honey in her tea. I found this out from the people she visited after me who reported back on my accomplishments. aha - all that frantic housecleaning and cooking worked!

Ciao all.

humility

2007-01-24T22:31:00.000-03:30

I auditioned for a part in the Alumni Choir singing in their Spring Concert. The audition itself was a bit of a freak show, with me trying to sing along to a choir singing German, reading a piece while singing it for the first time. Needless to say, I summarized it by saying, "that was a bit sketchy". However, everyone else had a rough audition as well, so I held on to hope that it would do and that Dr. T would remember my previous years in choir.

... It wasn't to be.

I was, and am disappointed. It felt like a bit of a slap in the face, because my voice is something I always count on. I know I'm not Grammy material, but still. People compliment me on my voice, I'm the lead vocalist of Living Worship, and... I realized I was and am proud.

I pay far too much attention to my own voice. I listen to others too little. I like the way I sound, and I forget the Giver and the reason I sing.

Lord, forgive me.

I still want to sing in choir. I miss it terribly. But for now, I'll rest in the fact that God needed me to be taught a lesson more than He needed me to sing His praises. Maybe the fact that I'm realizing all this is more praise than my half hearted attempts to sing past admiring my own nose (or voice in this case..)

we're here already!?!

2007-01-14T19:07:00.000-03:30

One year, baby. It's gone by so quickly, but it's been full and awesome. God is very very good. I guess we're an old married couple now. Anybody want advice? ;)

merry christmas, wait... that's over

2006-12-29T22:45:00.000-03:30

So, Christmas is done again. It was awesome. I've decided married Christmases are definitely more preferable than single Christmases. I don't care that Christmases is not a word.

Our first tree is to the left - we're both very proud of it, so if you think it is hideous, please break the news gently.

We've both had some time off, which has been awesome considering the chaos of Kev's life during exams and mine during the CCAC alignment. Today was my last day working for the CCAC of Halton. When I get back on Thursday the 4th, I'll be working for the Mississauga Halton CCAC. If you don't understand this, please don't ask questions - it's complicated...

The headlines all say that Saddam Hussein could be executed tonight. I wonder what goes through Mr. Hussein's head as he reads about his life hanging in the balance... when will the axe fall? I know that there is a Saddam inside that knows that He is not ready to meet his Creator. No matter the power you've held, you still stand in front of the Judge as an imperfection.

all of the above

2006-11-28T16:27:00.000-03:30

GBS was good last night. Lots of laughter, prayer sharing, and tea/popcorn. It was a "bible study free" night. Every once in awhile when lots of members are missing we just pray and share in depth what is going on in our lives. I like those nights best almost.

One of my co workers met my sister at a bus stop yesterday. How random. I swear that my sister Bec is the most randomest person I know - her life experiences are crazy. She's also a generous, giving person, and she's open to God using her. That's really cool. Kev and I were talking about that last night, the sense you have when you say or do something that Christ is really reaching through the medium to minister. Sunday morning we learned about that too - being open each day to God using you as He sees fit. It's a really awesome responsibility...

Life is getting bigger lately. Not so much mine, but people around me. People are doing big things. Like Marlene and Mark for example ... Congratulations on being parents!! (only 29 weeks to go...) See, that's crazy.

How did we get here so fast... getting married, having babies, dealing with big life issues like where does God want me, and moving far away (sniff, Rach) and dealing with grief over really big hurts. How did our problems and joys become about jobs and men and university/college, marriages, and children?

Christmas is coming... next week 4 out of the 7 nights I'm attending a Christmas related party/get together/concert. Speaking of concerts, tomorrow night is Trans Siberian Orchastra!!! See you all soon.

the difference 21 years makes

2006-11-22T23:30:00.001-03:30

For both me and my Dad... ;)

But, I'm still a 'daddy's girl' at heart. That 21 years doesn't change.